Ignorance is bliss.

2 Jul

I used to want to know every single detail of an approaching event. I believed that if I knew everything then I could be more prepared and in turn feel more at ease with the date arriving. I liked the prepared feeling and enjoyed running through every possible scenario in my mind.

That is all past tense now.

I LOVE not knowing even the date that Scott is leaving for his next deployment. You don’t have this looming cloud above your head, raining on every special moment with the reminder that soon he’ll be gone again and he’ll be missing out on the life you have together. You’re able to live in a state of denial. I love my fairy land bubble that I’ve learned to live in while he’s home.

Welp, that bubble was popped this week. We now know the date and no matter how hard I try to fight it my mind is already running a countdown.

I’m all about realizing that life goes by too quickly and soaking in every precious moment, but it’s hard to have fully positive thoughts when you’re absolutely terrified of parenting alone again and you’re able to recall every moment of loneliness you felt from the last deployment. I hate being alone. I hate my empty bed and will miss seeing the way Royal’s face lights up when he sees his daddy at the end of a work day. I’ll miss my best friend and the comfort his presence leaves me with just by him walking through a room. I’m a strong girl but I’m not able to fake that his absence doesn’t hurt me to my core.

My heart aches as the fact he’s leaving soon hits Scott over and over again. This deployment will be even more difficult on him, than the first, because he has full on knowledge of everything he’ll be missing. He’s teared up multiple times in the past week just watching Royal play. He’s such a wonderful daddy and loves Royal so very very much. Skype helps but it’s not the same as being able to rock him to sleep every night or interacting with him as he learns a new skill. It pains him already.

I am so very proud of my husband, and it helps that he loves his job, but in the end I’m selfish and want to keep him home with us. I’m only praying that time chooses to slow down if only for a few moments so that we can steal just a little more time together.

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•Image by Jami Davis Films•

Guest room.

4 Jun

Now that we’ve entertained our first guests in our newly redone guest room I figure I should post the pictures because I’m proud of it. This room was the difference between loving and hating our home. I couldn’t stand it for a very long time because it looked like some sort of storage room instead of a place for our loved ones to vacation in. We get a lot of visitors here so I wanted it to become a home away from home for those who fly to see us. I’m pretty pleased with the results! Enjoy the tour!!

Let’s start with a before pic. YAWN!:

17First I purchased a memory foam mattress cover, to add comfort to the bed, and then I found a new bedspread and sheets at 60% off during a Kohl’s sale. This gave me a color palette to work from.

203I didn’t want to part with my Beatles theme but I felt pretty stumped on what to do for decor especially when I found these flower watercolor pieces that I immediately fell in love with! As I searched Etsy I finally stumbled upon this Beatles watercolor that ended up tying it all together. Phew! I love this look!

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I also found this Beatles’ quote that not only matched the bedspread but made a cute addition to the guest room with talking about “slumber”.

205Then came the side table. T.J. Maxx and Etsy to the rescue!

207My friend (Danielle) made this awesome clock for me out of an Abbey Road record and I placed it above my canvas from the same album. Perfection!

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I had the most fun putting together this guest room cart for our visitors to enjoy. I purchased the cart from Amazon and found the metal baskets at T.J. Maxx.

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I have a deep love for succulents so I knew I wanted to add one to the room and I planted it in this teacup from Ross. I collected travel sized products (shampoo, toothpaste, shaving cream, deodorant, body wash, etc) and placed them in this jar from T.J. Maxx. I didn’t want our guests to stress if they forgot something while packing for their trip.

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I also wanted a little “goody basket” for our friends and family to enjoy during their time with us. I want them to know that I personalized the room, just for them, and that we are excited for them to be here.

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The bottom basket I filled with extra towels, washcloths, and a few toothbrushes.

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We also have this little table in the room and some reading material. (Hope everyone likes The Beatles. haha.)

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So there you have it. Come visit!! :)

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9 months.

12 May

Royal 9 month

How do I have a 9 month old?!

Everyday I’m amazed by all the new things Royal’s doing. He’s been crawling for over a month now and he’s already climbing bookcases and cruising around furniture. I don’t know where my little newborn has gone but this new baby is into EVERYTHING! I love it though. It’s so fun to see him constantly learning about the world around him even if it means destroying my cute always organized house.

I’m quite OCD when it comes to my home. I hate untidiness and clutter. I have to constantly remind myself that it’s alright that there are toys scattered and things pulled off every shelf and low table. Mess making is part of the growing up process but when nap time hits I scurry around and get the house organized. It stays that way for about 0.5 seconds, once the baby wakes up, but that’s alright. This is my own slice of chaotic heaven.

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Royal also said his first word last month! Appropriately his first word was “Mama”. He says it every time he wants me to pick him up, wants me to feed him, or if he’s upset and wants comforting. I don’t think there’s ever been a word that has brought so much joy to me. My heart flutters every time his cute little self says it. I melt! He says “dada” but he hasn’t quite figured out how to connect it to Scott. I’m sure that’s next!

Today he started clapping his hands! It’s adorable and his face lights up in the cutest way every time we clap back at him. He’s my joy.

It’s amazing how every milestone both makes me proud and breaks my heart! I can’t believe how quickly this time is flying by. Everyone warned me but I don’t think there’s any way to prepare yourself. I’ll just have to continue to soak in every day with my sweet boy and enjoy every precious mess he makes!

royal9month•Images by Olive Gray Photography•

 

Nothing.

10 Apr

In a life of so many constant changes it’s amazing how wonderful it feels to have nothing new to report.

Really the last month has just been the regular ins and outs of daily life. No crazy surprises just the same ol’ same ol’. I love it.

I’ve just needed the space to breathe. There is so much uncertainty and loneliness that comes with deployments that it’s like a vacation for my heart to be at home with my husband, son, and dog. I think we’ve all needed a little “nothing” in our lives.

I finally have had the emotional capacity to get back to being involved in church, and have volunteered to spend Sundays in the nursery. I’ve been feeling God’s calling to this for the last year but haven’t had the strength to jump in. I hate when you ignore God’s voice and you feel so much guilt every time you’re reminded of where you need to be. I’m excited to do it and it’s fun to see Royal interact with all the other babies. He’s the only boy but I guess that means good odds in the future. (Haha.)

I know the next few months are going to fly by, as another deployment approaches and the summer calendar begins to fill up, but I’m praying we’ll continue to have some time to sit, relax, and just soak in the time we’re together.

View More: http://jamidavisphotography.pass.us/dearborn•Jami Davis Photography and Films•

Settling into thankful.

20 Mar

It’s so weird being back home in Florida again. It felt almost like this place no longer existed when I was in Colorado. When I thought about our life here it almost seemed like a past life that I was only imagining memories of. Odd but true. So you can guess how strange it was to get back and realize it was all here just as we had left it, 5 months ago.

It’s eery walking into a place that was left exactly as you had it. How could so much have happened but nothing changed here? Funny.

We’ve spent our first few weeks here just figuring out our routine and decluttering the home we thought we had outgrown. Come to find out…it was that our junk had outgrown it, not us. Feels good to purge the things we don’t need, to reorganize, and my always favorite…REDECORATE!

I love redoing a space because it once again feels fresh and new! It’s almost like getting a new house without having to pack up all of your belongings and move! (I hate moving.) Granted I’m really only redoing the guest room but it was the only room I didn’t love in our home. I also finished Royal’s nursery with the canvas prints I had done of his newborn pictures. I could spend all day in that room. It’s exactly (if not better than) what I had envisioned when planning it.

It’s amazing how time consuming it has been to get back into the swing of things. I think it’s been most difficult to get Royal settled. The first week he didn’t sleep more than one hour at a time. Poor guy. Poor us too. Made it hard to get things done when you have no energy, a cranky baby, and so much to unpack. Eventually he realized this was home and then came sleeping during the night.

Being a wife, mom, and homemaker has always been my dream and here I am living the life I have always wanted. I can’t believe it sometimes when I realize I’m right where I have always wanted to be. It’s hard some days to be thankful but when it hits me that this is what I’m getting to do I feel so blessed and privileged. I have an amazing husband who makes a living so that I am able to stay home with our child, I have a son who is literally more perfect than I can even believe, and we have a roof over our heads in a place so close to the beach. How selfish I am to some days wake up and not feel overwhelmed with gratitude.

Thank you Jesus for this life!

Well as usual this post went a completely different direction than I had planned, but I like it better anyways. From talking about settling in to how I need to be more thankful. Lesson for my day…

Hope you’re all having a wonderful Friday!

xoxo

“Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him.” –Psalms 34:8

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He’s home!

22 Feb

Finally my husband is home from Afghanistan!

I haven’t had much time to blog so I’m just going to make this short and sweet.

Royal and I surprised Scott at the airport in Florida. The original plan was that we would wait for Scott to fly into Colorado then we would all drive back to Florida, but I couldn’t stand the thought of him coming home to an empty house and it was torture knowing he was in the US but we weren’t able to see him! The “so close but still so far away” thing was too much to stand!! I booked a round trip ticket and just guessed a date that Scott might be home. Amazingly we only beat him into Florida by 6 hours! What are the chances that I would book on the exact right day?! Such a God thing!

Scott was in complete shock and couldn’t even figure out how we got there! haha. Jet lag at it’s finest!

 

It was worth all the effort to see the look on his face and to have the whole week, before coming back to Colorado, to adjust and soak in our family time.

Thank you to everyone who kept us in your thoughts and prayers during this deployment! Scott is safely home and we’re so thankful to be able to return to our daily lives for a little while!

Praise God!!

We…actually me.

13 Jan

I recently noticed that I use “we” whenever I talk about decisions I’m making for Royal while Scott’s deployed. At first the reasoning escaped me for why I would be doing this but then it hit me, “I” sounds so lonely when you’re talking about parenting your child. When I say “we” it fills the void I’m feeling in our current life situation.

I can’t decide if this is healthy for my emotional well being but I’m thankful it’s a temporary problem to have because soon Scott will return to us and the “we” will become truthful again.

Scott is really great to help me talk through the issues and decisions that have come up in his absence, and most times he does come to the conclusion with me, but in the small day to day things I still find myself saying “we did this” “we thought it was a good idea” even when he wasn’t even remotely involved. Odd.

It could also be that I’m so used to saying “we” that it’s habit. I have been saying it in reference to Scott and me for the last 9 years so that could explain it, but it doesn’t erase the fact that when I say “I” it feels like someone just punched me in the stomach. Scotty is such a wonderful father and it pains me to know that he’s having to be away from us during these sweet moments in our son’s life.

Last week I told Scott that I was going to Target to purchase size 2 diapers and that really hit him hard. He couldn’t believe he missed all of the size 1 stage. It’s funny (not funny) how those small things that normal parents don’t even blink over can make such an impact on a daddy who is away in Afghanistan. I love that my husband loves so deeply and something like this can bring a tear to his eye.

I do my very best to capture every new thing Royal does. Praise God for technology or I have no idea how I could keep him up to date. I love that I can video tape a milestone and he can watch it 7,382 miles away. I think that helps Scott feel included, but of course it’s not the same as being able to join in. I’m so proud of my husband and for the commitment and sacrifices he’s made for our freedoms. I’m ready for him to be home though…this has been quite long enough.

I hate this. I want my family to be whole, for our “we” to mean three again.

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Deployment Christmas

10 Dec

 

Christmas is my absolute favorite time of year. I enjoy everything about the season. Most years I can’t even contain my excitement! The tree flies up the day after Thanksgiving and the music is constantly on. I live and breathe Christmas!

This year though…I’m finding it almost painful to hear a single song. I haven’t even been pestering my parents to put up the tree. I’m having a real difficult time “getting into the spirit”. I think part of it is the fact that I’m not at my own home, because Royal and I are staying with my parents during the deployment, but the main reason is that Scott isn’t here.

Every joyful part of this holiday is about being with those you love and sharing in traditions. Since I was 16 Scott has always been a huge part of those traditions and the love I feel during Christmas. It doesn’t feel right decorating a tree or looking at lights without him here.

Of course I am LOVING that I get to share this holiday with my son! I can’t believe I finally have a child of my own to share the magic with, but then in the back of my mind I can’t shake the realization that Scott is missing out on this too. Gives you a guilty feeling knowing you are getting to soak it all in while he’s in a far off country far from family and close friends. I’m so proud of my husband and I’m amazed by the strength he has.

I know that he wants me to enjoy the season but it’s more than hard without him here!

I’m praying that as Christmas gets closer I will get more excited, but until then I’m focusing on the things I am excited for! I can’t wait for Royal to see his first Christmas tree and to see the wonder on his face when he gets to eat all the wrapping paper. I loved taking him to see Santa. Even though I never had Santa growing up it was fun to take Royal, in honor of Scott, and to send the pictures to Scott in Afghanistan. His Daddy got a kick out of them and I know it helped him feel a bit more at home. Royal loved seeing Santa and amazingly resisted the urge to pull his beard. (Haha.)

I’m going to do my best to focus on the good and on the whole reason for this season which is Christ being born! Thank you God for sending your son!

Merry Christmas everyone!!

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First care package.

29 Nov

I’m feeling pretty down this month missing the hubster so instead of boring you all with a sad sappy blog I’m just going to to show you the Thanksgiving care package I sent to Scott in Afghanistan.

I first started out decorating the box in a festive way, and of course I decided on a silly turkey!

carepackage 011I used brown craft paper to cover the top and bottom white box flaps. For the top flap I cut out a beak and wattle then attached large googly craft eyes, and for the bottom flap I cut out little legs and feet and made a Thanksgiving “sign”. My next step was to cover the side flaps with little feather cut outs and layer them on top of each other. I’m pretty pleased with the turn out because it makes me giggle and that’s what I wanted Scott’s reaction to be as well.

I wanted to do a theme with the box so I chose “Thanksgiving dinner”. I had a blast shopping for things that would fit the theme in a clever way.

carepackage 009Sunflower seeds: to munch on until dinner (Anyone who knows Scott knows how much he loves sunflower seeds so of course I had to find a way to incorporate that into the box.)
Milk Duds: to remind you of your little man. (We nicknamed our son Milk Dud because of his love for milk. haha)
Red Hots: To remind you of your smoking hot wife who misses you! (hehe)

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Turkey Jerky: turkey (well done)
Loaded Baked Potato Pringles: a side dish.
Cola Gummies: your beverage
Free Birds DVD: Entertainment when you’re full of turkey!
Cigars: Tobacco to honor our Native American neighbors. (Match books too.)

carepackage 004Boston Cream Pie Milano cookies: Pie for dessert! Yummm!
Funnyuns: green bean casserole without the green beans ;)
Caramel Apple Suckers: just cause
Gum and his favorite kind of mints: Fresh breath for company.
Candy Corn: your vegetable ;) Ps: ew!
Toy Football: Thanksgiving football anyone?!

So there’s my box!! Happy Thanksgiving!!

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Transition.

23 Oct

I can’t even begin to express how strange these last few months have felt. We went from almost getting used to being new parents, and having our system down, to Scott leaving for his deployment and adjusting to doing it all on my own. AHHH! It’s almost too much change at once. I say almost but it absolutely is TOO MUCH!

I miss Scott so horribly much but I know the pain of having him gone. I know what to expect being away from him. What is breaking me now is the realization that Royal is missing out on having his daddy, and Scott is missing out on time with his son. Anytime we get to Skype, Scott gets sad seeing all the changes Royal is making and it’s only been a month. This is going to be much more difficult than we could have ever expected or prepared for.

The morning Scott left for the airport he just sat on the bed with Royal resting on his legs crying while Royal smiled at him trying to cheer him up. That is one heartbreaking scene that I will probably never forget as long as I live. The relationship they share is so precious and I hate that they’re missing out on time together.

Royal has had difficulty eating lately and it started right after Scott left. He misses Scott even though his little baby self doesn’t really understand the emotions he’s experiencing. When I put Scott on speaker-phone Royal turns towards his voice, it’s so sweet but also so sad. I wish we could jump on a flight and go visit for a weekend. Eh, maybe instead Scott could come here. (Haha.)

With most things time softens the blow, but I know with this it’s just going to get worse until Scott is home with us again. I’m extremely thankful to be home in Colorado during the holiday months, and to be surrounded by family and friends who keep us busy and help keep my mind off things. My prayer is that these 4 months fly by and that God continues to protect our hero while he’s away.

“May the Lord watch between you and me when we are absent one from another.” -Genesis 31:49b

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