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25 Mar

I am beyond the point of exhaustion. I’m so fully overwhelmed that my soul feels worn out. Every time Scott leaves there’s a long list of things that happen that I have to deal with on my own. But this time…oh gosh…you would laugh at the length of the list! The absurd things that make up this list will someday make me laugh, when I look back on them, but for now they just make me want to cry. Not all of the things have been bad because some were overwhelming in a good way…but even good things wear on you when you already feel worn down.

I know I just need to put it in God’s hands and let it go! I have always struggled with that as I’m a bit of a type A control freak and I’m sure that if I just work hard enough I can fix it all. You would think that in 6 years of living this lifestyle I would have learned that it’s impossible to be completely in control, and that not everything can or should even be fixed. But, here I am…still crumbling under the pressures I put myself under. No one else expects perfection from me…but I demand that of myself. That’s not even fair. I need to learn to be more kind to myself. I can’t be everything all the time. It’s an impossible expectation to put on anyone, but yet I do it to myself daily. Why??

The only person who can be everything all the time for everyone is God and that’s where I need to find my peace, rest, worth, and also my strength! The very second I give it to Jesus I feel instant relief! How silly that it’s not always our first response! I want to be better at letting Him be the captain of this ship, even when that ship feels as though it’s sinking. God will never let us go under, but sometimes the waters do get rocky and that’s alright! He is able to hold all of my present and future in His hands, and there’s no one more capable of handling my problems. All I need to do is trust!

So, I’m breathing deeply today and praying for God’s peace! It’s all I need. Jesus is all I need.

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” -1 Peter 5:7

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 4:6-7





18 Oct

Soooo…it’s certainly been awhile. In over 7 years of blogging I’ve never once taken a month off from it and somehow I just went 4 solid months without blogging. Oops! To say life has been crazy would be an understatement but as things are starting to mellow out I finally have the time to get back to the blog. I wasn’t exactly sure how to catch you all up to speed so I decided I’ll just go a month at a time and “Recap”.


The movers (from hell) came and packed up all of our belongings onto a big semi and then on the 4th we left Florida for Colorado. I have to tell you…the nerves and uncertainty we felt while driving those 40+ hours in the car were like nothing we’d ever felt. It’s a very scary thing moving across the country, but add on the fact that there was no job lined up and no real plan of where this decision was taking us and we were TERRIFIED! All we knew was that God had led us to this decision and we could only trust Him through it as we moved. We knew it would work out just had no idea of WHEN. I’m a planner and having a plan in place is where I’ve always found my comfort. This time…no such luck. All we had was a leap of faith (felt like off a cliff) and trust that God would catch us before we smacked the ground.

We arrived in Grand Junction on the 6th and began settling into my mom’s house, which would be our home until we were able to establish ourselves. Still very anxious and wondering if we had just made the biggest mistake of our lives, leaving our safety net of the Air Force, we were blessed and amazed when Scott received a call on the 8th saying he got his dream job that he had interviewed for the month before!! Scott now works in Greece as a military contractor doing a similar job to what he did in the Air Force. He is there for 2 months then he gets to be home with us for 2 solid months. It’s amazing to have him home for that whole time without any interruption. It’s like a vacation when he’s home. I do still hate those 2 months when he leaves though. It is a blessing that we’re now able to live where we want and that I have the family support I didn’t have in Florida while he’s away.IMG_1896For the year leading up to our move back to Colorado I kept a pretty close eye on the housing market and we had a pretty good idea of what we wanted for when the time came to buy a house. There was a neighborhood in Fruita that I had my eye on and a very specific floor-plan that was our “dream home”. I knew it was a long shot that we would ever get it but when one with the exact floor-plan we wanted came on the market and they were having an open house on Mother’s Day Scott said we needed to go look at it to see if it was even what we wanted when we saw it in person. We walked through the house and every time we rounded another corner of it I laughed and said “Oh, crap!” because it continued to be everything we had ever wanted. Soooooooo…on the 14th we got everything in order and put in an offer on our dream home. The very next day our offer was accepted and we began the work of making it officially ours! How amazing God is! Exactly a week before we woke up stressed about where our future was taking us and then Scott got the job and a week later we found our Home!! Lord, thank you for leading us to this leap! These blessings were beyond what we could have hoped for and here they were…easily and quickly falling into our lap. I’ve never experienced anything like it.IMG_E2074The rest of May was spent catching up with our friends we had missed so much, house closing checklists, and Scott had orientation with his new company. Oh, and Scott had to fly back to Florida to get his car and drive it here. (Not jealous of him on that one.)



Scott left for a week long training the beginning of June and luckily made it back on Haven’s first birthday. The next day we had a party for her in the park where Royal had his first birthday party and where we had the rehearsal dinner for our wedding. I love places that continue to come full circle with us. (I’ll blog about the party in another post so that I can share details and have picture overload.) It was special to celebrate such a big milestone with family as we’d been missing that.

We were supposed to close on our house on the 11th which was perfect because Scott was leaving for Greece on the 12th but we hit a snag trying to schedule the appraiser so it was pushed back until the 13th. Of course he would miss the closing by one day! (Haha.) We (mostly me) just had to suck it up because there was nothing we could do about it. Scott put me as his power of attorney so that I could sign for him at the closing. It was hard to see Scott go but we had to be thankful for the job and opportunities it was opening for our family.

On June 13th we became first time homeowners! What a crazy feeling that was!! Once the cramping in my hand, from signing “Scott Dearborn by Alyssa Dearborn attorney in fact” on every line his name appeared along with my own signature, wore off I was in such disbelief that it had actually happened! We have waited and worked so hard to get to this moment and it was such a wonderful feeling to hold those keys and know we finally had a home that was all ours.IMG_3156The next two days we had new carpet installed and then the movers came!! I had really missed our stuff but that feeling was fleeting when I realized I would be unpacking over 7,000 pounds of stuff alone with 2 littles running amuck! (Haha.) I knew it would be worth it though so I jumped right to it! We had a family trip to Wyoming planned and I knew I wouldn’t be able to relax unless I got it all done (I hate being type A sometimes) so I busted it all out in 4 days of unpacking! I didn’t sleep much, as you can imagine, and my body ached at the end of every day BUT I was determined!!IMG_4070We had a blast in Wyoming and it was just what we needed after all the chaos of moving to Colorado, Scott starting the new job, and moving into our home. Sometimes you just need to slow it down for a few days and do hardly nothing to recoup!


This was a pretty mellow month in comparison to the months before. I went bridesmaid dress shopping for my friend Ashley’s wedding, we went to “food truck Friday” a few times, went to the science museum, Royal started swim lessons which was a good distraction and great way to finish up the time Scott was away, Royal got a big boy bed for his new room, and we celebrated his 4th birthday with frozen yogurt because he wanted to wait to have his party once his dad was home. Royal also had his first experience at the demo derby and it was LOVE! I mean…what 4 year old boy wouldn’t love cars smashing into each other?!


On the 2nd Royal graduated his first swim lesson level!! Woohoo! He gained so much confidence in the water and finally started putting his face under! It was funny to me that he was so fearful of pools after being so confident in the ocean but…I guess you’re only comfortable with the things you’re used to and he hadn’t spent much time in a pool before moving here. Waves and sharks seem a bit more intimidating to me…just saying. (Haha.)IMG_5908The last weekend before Scott came home we decided to go visit my brother and Rachel in Steamboat Springs. We always have so much fun there and it was the perfect way to speed up the last weekend without Scott.img_5978.jpgWe traveled back Monday the 6th and Scott came home that evening! YAY! I love our reunions and it’s so fun to see the excitement on the kids’ faces and this time Scott got to see Haven walk for the first time!! Oh yeah…she started walking full time while we were in Steamboat! Before that she was just taking a few steps here and there. She would take a couple steps then the second she saw you watching she would smirk and then naughtily sit down. Stinker!

The best part of Scott being home was having him finally spend a night with us in our new home! Seeing he left the day before we closed he had never even been in the house besides the two walk throughs we had. It was rather surreal living here without him almost like it couldn’t be true until we all spent a night here, so that part made it officially feel like home.

I always love the first week Scott’s home. We fill the week with everything we have missed doing as a family and squeeze in things we’ve been waiting to try together as well. We took Royal to his first movie (Incredibles 2) on the 16th and had Royal’s Blaze themed birthday party the 18th, which was fun to have our first event in our new home! He loved it and we loved having a house full of people we love to celebrate our boy with us. (I’ll try to blog about his party later too!)

On the 20th Royal started Preschool!! I cried…a lot. It’s hard as a mommy to watch your little ones spread their wings but you have to allow them do it. He was ready. He was begging to go and off he went. Royal has loved every second of it and he’s just like a sponge soaking in every social and learning aspect of it.

August finished up with a visit from our good friends from Florida! We have been friends with them since the beginning of Scott’s Air Force career and they moved to Vegas the month before we moved to Colorado. We had missed them so much so it was wonderful to show them Colorado life and catch up! I’m so thankful that we are able to keep our friendship going! I do miss them only living 15 minutes away though!


September was busy! I threw Ashley a tea party themed shower at our house and we had her bachelorette party that same night. The next weekend we went to Steamboat to celebrate my brother’s birthday. The 22nd was Ashley’s wedding which was so beautiful!! Then the 24th I surprised Scott with date night in Glenwood Springs for his birthday!

And the grand finale was finishing up September with a weekend of camping. We haven’t been camping since before kids and it was certainly a different experience! Although it was exhausting we had such a blast and the kids so enjoyed being wild and covered head to toe in dirt!


Woo! You’re almost caught up! Scott went back to Greece on the 7th and should be home in time for Christmas this year!! The kids and I are trying to find our routine which takes a couple weeks every time he leaves but we’re getting there. We’ll be soaking in the fall season and trying to toughen up before the winter months hit. (We’re kinda cold wimps after living in Florida for 5 years.) I’m just thankful that I’m not moving into a house alone this round and grateful that Royal has school to distract him a bit from his daddy being away.

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers as we adjusted to life here! God has blessed us so much and I’m constantly amazed at how different our life looks now. We miss our Florida friends but we sure are loving life here in Fruita Colorado!

I promise I won’t wait so long to write again!






31 May

Life has been moving at such a quick and frantic pace since we arrived in Grand Junction.

It’s been difficult to even get my mind around all the adjustments and excitement as we try to settle into our new life and environment. So, once I get my head uncluttered I’ll try to catch you all up on all the changes that are coming our way.

Thank goodness that God continues to direct and provide through all the chaos this life throws our way.

Thank you for your continued prayers during this time of transition. The changes have been most difficult on the kids but they’re resilient and I know once we find our new “normal” they’ll discover peace in the routine.

Happy Easter!

31 Mar

Happy Easter weekend!!We’re excited to celebrate this little bunny’s first Easter and Royal is so much more into the activities this year that it’s been such a blast.

I have been counting down to Easter the whole month leading up to it. I couldn’t wait to color eggs with my family and I went all out on the kid’s baskets. I am almost beside myself in anticipation of the egg hunt tomorrow. I just know Royal is going to lose himself in the fun of it.

It’s amazing how kids re-ignite the fun in holidays. I don’t know why we lose the excitement but it’s refreshing to see it all again through the delighted eyes of my children.

I pray you all have a wonderfully blessed Easter with your families as well!

“For God so loved the world that he gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
-John 3:16

He’s home again.

28 Feb

Deployment 4.0 has come to an end! We’re all so happy to have Scott home but no one more excited than Royal. That boy sure missed his Daddy.Haven wasn’t too sure about her Dada at first but has quickly warmed back up to him.Thank you Jesus for bringing him home safely to us!!

“May the Lord watch between you and me when we are absent one from another.”
-Genesis 31:49

Haven’s dedication.

30 Oct

While home last month in Colorado we were thrilled to be able to dedicate baby Haven. The day was that much more special because it was Scott’s birthday and last year on his birthday we found out we were pregnant with her! I love when things line up like that and everything seems to come full circle. What a year it was looking forward to her arrival and wondering who she was going to be. Now we know and we’re so very thankful and blessed that God chose this darling girl for our family!

The little ceremony was sweet and filled with emotion as our pastor reminded us of the past 6 years since he performed our wedding, and also how 3 years ago he dedicated Royal. Time has flown by so quickly and it’s amazing to realize just how much God has blessed us in these years since we got married. 

Pastor Jeff prayed over our family and little Haven’s life. It was perfect. The only thing that would have made it better would have been having my dad there to witness it. I know he was rejoicing in Heaven with us though and I know he’d be so proud. 

Haven is continually living up to her name. She has brought such joy to us after such a trying and heartbreaking time. She’s a constant reminder that God will always lead us to a place of safety again. During the storms there has always been a safe haven waiting for us. I’m still amazed that she’s ours and what a perfect place she fills in our family. It’s like this spot was always made for her and I can’t even remember what life was like before her.

Life is full of ups and downs but these type of moments are what make life incredibly wonderful and worth living! My heart is so full. Thank you Jesus!

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” -Jeremiah 1:5

Haven’s birth story.

27 Jun

**If you don’t want to hear ALL about a baby being born please stop reading.**061417_1Wednesday the 7th I was two days past my due date and boy was I done being pregnant! I woke up determined to get this baby girl out! I walked 8 laps around the neighborhood, I did squats, and every other activity that has worked to bring on labor for others. I started having mild contractions but nothing too severe so I laid down for a nap, because I had exhausted myself. I was prepared to repeat everything again after my nap. When I woke up though the contractions were still there and the pattern was what it needed to be, but they were no where near painful. Our hospital was set to go on “divert” at midnight for two days, so we would have to go to another hospital if she came during that time. We decided to load up and just see if they would let us stay to deliver. IMG_0289When we got to the hospital, at 8 pm, I was only at a solid 3 dilated and 65% effaced. The doctor on duty was the one who was scheduled to do my induction that coming Monday, so I think she was eager to help us stay because of that. She said she could strip my membranes and send us walking for 2 hours to see where that got us. We were willing to try it if she was. The stripping alone progressed me to a 4 and 75% effaced. So we set off on our long walk! IMG_0344I was really glad that I hadn’t done a second set of laps around the neighborhood because my legs were killing me by the end of our two hour walk and I’m pretty sure I’m now an expert of the hospital hallway layout. I could probably walk the halls with a blindfold and never run into a single wall. About 30 minutes into our walk the contractions really started picking up and by the end I could barely walk through them because they were so painful. I knew at that point that Baby Girl was on the way!
Side note: As I was pushing myself to walk through strong contractions poor Scott had to stop for a leg cramp. I was really worried that he would need an epidural but luckily he was able to breathe through the pain. ;]IMG_0476Once we got back up to labor and delivery they had all of my paperwork filled out and a room was ready for us. I guess they had already decided to keep us. Thank goodness because there was no way I was going home with how painful the contractions were at that point. The doctor checked me again and I was at a 6. She said her plan was to break my water and then maybe start pitocin as well. She recommended an epidural, because the combination would become very painful, so of course I took her recommendation. IMG_0315The anesthesiologist gave me the epidural and while we were waiting for them to come back in to break my water we decided to take a “before baby” selfie. Right as we snapped the picture I told Scott “I think my water just broke…but let’s take one more picture.” I’ll never be able to look at those pictures and not laugh. The doctor came in and checked me again and of course I was right. She said that she would be back in 4 hours to check on us. We planned to sleep a bit to rest up. We guessed that we wouldn’t have a baby until around 6 or 7 that morning. (HA!) While they were rolling me to change my sheets my epidural shifted and I started feeling all of the pain on my right side. Feeling labor pain on only one side of your body is completely disconcerting. I would rather have felt it on both sides at that point. (Of course this happened during the transition phase. OWWY!) My nurse called the anesthesiologist back in and tried to get it to work the way it was positioned, but nothing helped so they needed to redo it. They laid me flat on my side and gave me a whole new one. That immediately delivered relief.IMG_0366My bed was then elevated back up and suddenly Haven’s heart rate dropped into the low 70’s. Panic set in as the whole team rushed into our room, my nurse put an oxygen mask on me, and they started flipping me one side to the other trying to get her heart rate back up. Nothing was helping and time seemed to be ticking steadily along. I had been able to hear her heart beating on the monitor the whole time we were there but as I tried listening now it was almost completely silent. I looked at Scott with terrified eyes as I worried we were losing our girl. He whispered “It’s going to be alright, Lyssa” but I didn’t believe him. I asked him afterwards about it and he said he was just as terrified but knew he couldn’t express that and risk me getting more upset which would have made the situation worse. They started asking each other to “grab the doctor” or “where is the doctor” and lastly “I can’t find her.” This mama has never been so scared. Finally she came running in and said she wanted to check me real quick before we would move to a c-section. I was complete (10) and it was time to begin pushing! Apparently what happened was while I was on my side laid flat I progressed from a 6-10 so when they elevated me back up Haven shot down into position and that shocked her because it wasn’t a slow progression down. Poor thing. Luckily her heart rate evened out before pushing began.IMG_0563Two minutes after she checked me I started pushing. I told the doctor, when we arrived, that she would need to give me an episiotomy but she assured me that wouldn’t be necessary. I knew better though. After 4 contractions and less than 10 minutes of pushing Haven was ready to make her entrance. The doctor kind of laughed, after many efforts to avoid an episiotomy, as she said “you were right” she then gave me a tiny episiotomy and Haven was born at 2:02 am on June 8th!IMG_0423When Haven came out she had the cord wrapped around her neck two times and was bright purple. The doctor quickly removed the cord and immediately placed her on my chest. I was a little worried about her coloring but knew they would have rushed her off if they were really that concerned about it. Her color returned to normal after a few minutes of them messing with her on my chest. Phew!IMG_0329Our sweet girl weighed in at 8 pounds 1.3 ounces and was 20 inches long! I’m still in shock that I carried an 8 pound baby! She is perfect in every way. The first thing I noticed was that she had my lips which I had prayed for! Everyone says she looks just like me and I LOVE hearing that. Scott’s first words about her were “ALYSSA she has hair!!” (no one in either family ever does) and as she was delivered: “She’s so beautiful, Lyssa!” He is one smitten Daddy. Really, we all are!IMG_0527Haven is such a mellow baby. We’ve only ever heard her cry a handful of times. The rest of the time she just grunts or lays there peacefully. She’s just so beautiful that we can’t stop staring at her. I was so worried that my heart couldn’t hold all this extra love but the second I saw her my heart was overflowing with love for this sweet child. I can’t even begin to imagine life without her and she’s only been with us for 2 weeks.

Royal is OBSESSED with her! I thought he would resent her for coming but all he has for her is love. He is constantly snuggling her and giving her kisses. He always says “Haven, you bess friend!” (Haven, you’re my best friend.) and “I yuv you, Baby Haven!” I completely melt as I watch their bond as siblings forming. We’re just trying to teach him not to give her kisses while she’s trying to sleep. (Haha.)IMG_0306After two years of trials and heartache, Haven couldn’t have come at a better time to us. She came to remind us that good does come around again and that God is faithful even when we feel as though things will never get better. Her name means: a place of safety or refuge. Before we found out we were pregnant I stumbled upon Psalm 107:28-30. (Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and He brought them out of their distress. He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. They were glad when it grew calm, and He guided them to their desired haven.) These verses gave me great encouragement as I hoped our safe haven would be around the corner. A week later we found out we were expecting and when we were told we were having a girl the name Haven soared to the top of our list. It just seemed to fit her so perfectly! She’s already living up to her name. She has healed our heartache and given us a place of  joy to rest in. I’m just so thankful that God chose her for us! IMG_0516
Thank you all for your prayers and well wishes, and please continue to pray for us to have guidance as we raise this darling girl!

-Name Meaning-
Haven: a place of safety or refuge
Marie: wished for child (also my middle name)

Welcome Haven Marie, you are so very loved!
“He stilled the storm to a whisper;
the waves of the sea were hushed.
They were glad when it grew calm,
and He guided them to their desired haven.”

-Psalm 107:29-30 

•Photos by Olive Gray Photography