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He’s home again.

28 Feb

Deployment 4.0 has come to an end! We’re all so happy to have Scott home but no one more excited than Royal. That boy sure missed his Daddy.Haven wasn’t too sure about her Dada at first but has quickly warmed back up to him.Thank you Jesus for bringing him home safely to us!!

“May the Lord watch between you and me when we are absent one from another.”
-Genesis 31:49

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Early Christmas.

30 Nov

On Saturday we had Christmas early so that we could celebrate together before Scott deployed. Scott was upset that he would be missing Haven’s first Christmas as he had with Royal’s first one. So I asked him if he wanted to celebrate early and of course he said yes.

We woke up just like we would on any Christmas in our house. We turned on Christmas music, opened stockings, and had our regular Christmas breakfast, of cinnamon rolls and peppered bacon. Royal decided cinnamon rolls are better eaten unrolled. (Haha.) Over breakfast we talked to Royal about Jesus’ birthday and why we celebrate Christmas.

Once breakfast was over we opened our gifts and laughed as we watched Haven open her first ever presents. There’s something so sweet and magical about a baby’s first Christmas, even with her not understanding what’s going on. I know this meant so much to Scott to be there for these moments even if it was a month early.

The rest of the day was spent relaxing and watching all of our favorite Christmas movies while the kids played with their new toys.

All day we kept saying just how much it felt like Christmas. We were confused when no one else was posting pictures of the holiday on social media, then we’d remember it wasn’t the actual day. It was truly perfect!IMG_6113Deployments take a lot from us as a family but Christmas this year wasn’t one of them! I’m thankful for my family and the precious memories we were able to make on our little Christmas morning. IMG_5937

Happy 28!

24 Sep

Happy birthday to the man who always walks beside me and carries me when I’m weak. I’m so thankful you were born 28 years ago and that God gave me you! You’ve made my every dream come true! 

I love you!

Slow down.

29 Mar

I’ve always counted myself a strong woman. I can pretty much handle anything life throws at me and still stay standing. It’s mostly because I can plan my way through it. As long as I prepare I feel ready for it. My Type A personality tells me that as long as I stay busy and organized it’s going to all work out.

The problem with a Type A personality mixing with pregnancy is that you lose pretty much all of your organizational skills and brain sharpness to preggo brain. It’s really really really extremely frustrating when you’re waiting for your brain to engage and it never seems to catch up to the speed you’re used to functioning at. Then you end up working twice as hard to complete tasks that used to only take you a matter of minutes. You add that to the waddling that slows you down, doubling your daily load because of deployment, a two year old who you for some reason decided to toilet train a week after your husband left, running a business, missing and worrying for your husband while he’s deployed, preparing for a new baby, stressing if the Air Force will let your hubby come home early so he doesn’t miss the baby’s birth, being far from family, and tons of appointments, and I’ve gone almost completely mad!!! Seems like as soon as I start one project 6 more appear and I get interrupted 26 times in the process which then takes me a solid 10 minutes to remember where I left off. The proficiency is gone. I miss my brain. (haha)

During a deployment you need to be at your best and sadly I feel like I’m at my worst. I’ve found myself overwhelmed from the second I wake up to the minute my head finally rests on my pillow at night. I’ve been forcing myself to have even a few moments a day to just rest. It’s certainly taking a toll on my body and as I am now in my 30th week of pregnancy I have to remind myself that it’s okay to slow down a little. It feels like actual torture to sit when I have lists upon lists adding up in my mind. I’m telling myself that it’s alright if some things slip a little, no one else is going to notice but me. But…we’re always our own toughest critics.

The thing that has broken my heart the most this round is just how badly Royal has missed his daddy. He will wake up crying and when I ask him what’s wrong he says “I cry Dada. I miss Daddy.” I don’t know how to comfort his hurting heart and it’s impossible to explain the reasoning to a two year old.  He’s been dealing with separation anxiety too which rips my heart in half. I’ll hear him talking in his bed at night saying “Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me” and if I go in the garage he’ll come running full speed from the other side of the house yelling “Mama!! Don’t leave me!!” I can’t even stand it. All I can do it hold him close and reassure him that I’m not going anywhere. I tell him that Dada will be home soon and I remind him of all the ways his Daddy loves him. I hate all of that the most. I wish I could just take away all the pain from his little tiny self.

I’m also working on being better at asking for help from others, and I’ll admit this is humbling for me. I HATE asking because I actually enjoy handling things on my own, but I know those around me want to help and I need to let them. Being a burden to others is my biggest fear, so I’m truly striving to be okay with it. I’ve found that people love you through their actions and I shouldn’t rob people of that by always saying no to their offers.

Hands down this has been the most difficult of all the deployments but every situation is temporary and soon it will end. Until then I need to sit when my body says sit and rest when my mind needs rest. The goal is to keep this little girl in as long as possible, to up the chances of Scott being home for her arrival, and for that to happen I need to take it a bit easier. Another goal of mine is to soak in as much time with Royal as I can before he’s no longer my only baby. It’s bittersweet so I want to make the most of these next 10 weeks with him. Both goals involve me slowing down to breathe and ignoring the 102 lists that are constantly building up around me. As long as we’re fed and healthy the rest can wait.

“My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
-Psalm 73:26

Girl.

31 Dec

The biggest highlight of this month was going to find out the gender of our sweet new baby! This ultrasound appointment is always the one I’m most excited for, because you’ll walk away knowing a huge piece of who your little one is going to be. You can go off of old wives tales all day long, but nothing can prove the gender until you get that confirmation from the ultrasound tech.

Scott and I have always prayed for God’s will in placing the right children into our family, so we never had fear of what gender we would be getting. We knew that whatever God had in-store for us was the very best! Even still, you have a gut feeling as a Mommy of what you think the baby will be and you get a little pouty when other’s opinions contradict that. It’s not that you’re frustrated with people, because you know they’re simply just taking a guess, but when you feel something soooo deeply down in your heart it’s hard to have others disagree with it. I at first thought this baby was a boy because my sickness and other symptoms mirrored my pregnancy with Royal so closely, but once we had our first ultrasound and I saw this little baby’s personality on the screen I just knew she was a girl. Baby was so calm and mellow during the ultrasound. I don’t know why but her very actions screamed “little girl” to me. I was the same way with Royal. I had no idea what gender he was until our 10 week appointment when I saw him on the screen and from the way he jumped around like a little wild monster I just knew he was a boy. Those first ultrasounds, with both of my children, solidified their genders for me.

The week leading up to the gender ultrasound I could hardly sleep at all. I would wake up at, or before, 4 am and not be able to fall asleep again until around 8. I was just so anxious to know! I am such a planner and not knowing an important detail eats at me. I was ready to know if we would be buying a crib to fit into Royal’s room or if we’d be changing our guest room into a nursery. I also knew with a girl we would need to do some shopping. If we were pregnant with another boy we would literally not need to purchase one thing because I kept EVERYTHING from having Royal. With a girl we wouldn’t need to buy the essentials, because we purchased gender neutral big items, but we would want to buy small things specifically for her. Really, most importantly we would need some PINK and SPARKLES. I think all the planning without an actual direction was keeping me up at night.

The morning of the appointment I drank my 16 ounces of water and jumped into the car. I nervously non-stop chattered to my mom the whole way there. (When I get nervous I talk….way too much.) Finally we arrived but we then had to wait for the couple in front of us to finish up. I almost screamed “HURRY UP” I was so impatient. When it was eventually our turn I expected Baby to give us a little trouble with seeing gender, because with Royal he was shy and I had to turn from one side to another over and over until he finally uncrossed his legs. Much to Scott’s dismay this baby was all too happy to show us and within 5 minutes we heard “Ready everyone?! Here are sister parts!” A GIRL!!! Scott teared up and I smiled my biggest smile. Royal is having a baby sister!fullsizerender-5I couldn’t think of a better fit for our family. I imagine Royal being a protective and sweet older brother. I picture Scott being wrapped ever so tightly around her little fingers and never allowing her to date. He’s always dreamed of torturing her future boyfriends and with her lack of being “shy” he may need to start cleaning those guns early. (Haha.) I for one can not wait to share girly things with her, while still showing her the fun in being nerdy and enjoying the outdoors. I pray she always has a joy for adventure and isn’t afraid to get her hands dirty. I also can’t wait to have a close friendship with her, like I have with my mom. Although I’m nervous for the middle and high school years, there’s nothing quite like that friendship that comes at the end of your teens when you realize that your mom maybe isn’t so clueless after all. I get to have that, along with every other precious memory we’ll make together. I’m so incredibly excited to meet her and to have her share in our family!img_6211And just like my post when we discovered Royal’s gender…

“Now comes the hard part…finding a name…

Wish us luck!!”

xoxoimg_6368

Care packages.

23 Nov

Deployments suck but the one enjoyable thing is putting together care packages to send to Scott while he’s away. I love filling them with all of his favorite snacks and decorating it in a fun way so he’s always surprised by what he’s opening up. I also try to find a book series he’ll enjoy reading and send a book in each box. Here are the care packages I made during this deployment.:

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Ignorance is bliss.

2 Jul

I used to want to know every single detail of an approaching event. I believed that if I knew everything then I could be more prepared and in turn feel more at ease with the date arriving. I liked the prepared feeling and enjoyed running through every possible scenario in my mind.

That is all past tense now.

I LOVE not knowing even the date that Scott is leaving for his next deployment. You don’t have this looming cloud above your head, raining on every special moment with the reminder that soon he’ll be gone again and he’ll be missing out on the life you have together. You’re able to live in a state of denial. I love my fairy land bubble that I’ve learned to live in while he’s home.

Welp, that bubble was popped this week. We now know the date and no matter how hard I try to fight it my mind is already running a countdown.

I’m all about realizing that life goes by too quickly and soaking in every precious moment, but it’s hard to have fully positive thoughts when you’re absolutely terrified of parenting alone again and you’re able to recall every moment of loneliness you felt from the last deployment. I hate being alone. I hate my empty bed and will miss seeing the way Royal’s face lights up when he sees his daddy at the end of a work day. I’ll miss my best friend and the comfort his presence leaves me with just by him walking through a room. I’m a strong girl but I’m not able to fake that his absence doesn’t hurt me to my core.

My heart aches as the fact he’s leaving soon hits Scott over and over again. This deployment will be even more difficult on him, than the first, because he has full on knowledge of everything he’ll be missing. He’s teared up multiple times in the past week just watching Royal play. He’s such a wonderful daddy and loves Royal so very very much. Skype helps but it’s not the same as being able to rock him to sleep every night or interacting with him as he learns a new skill. It pains him already.

I am so very proud of my husband, and it helps that he loves his job, but in the end I’m selfish and want to keep him home with us. I’m only praying that time chooses to slow down if only for a few moments so that we can steal just a little more time together.

Jami Davis-6month 061

•Image by Jami Davis Films•