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Haven’s Nursery.

24 Jan

The day after we got home from Colorado I switched Haven into her own room and immediately she began sleeping through the night. (Go figure.) Before this she would only go 2 hours tops between wake ups and this mommy was pooped! Sleep is a glorious thing and I had begun to forget what being rested even felt like after 7 months of not experiencing it.

So, in celebration of these two wonderfully big milestones I figured I would share her nursery photos and the details behind the decor! I loved putting this room together for our girl and I hope it’s a theme she will enjoy for many years to come.

Enjoy the tour!

The first thing I found, that I knew I needed, was this custom painted wood sign with the quote “In a field of roses she is a wildflower.” Something about it just stuck with me so I began planning a floral nursery, but I felt the theme was lacking. I then stumbled upon the most precious watercolor fawn with flowers on it’s head and that was it!! I was in love and purchased it immediately! These two pieces inspired the rest of her nursery!

I finished up this wall with embroidery hoops that I painted gray. The top hoop is just a simple fabric, the middle I cut out fabric hearts and stitched them onto white fabric to give the appearance of them hanging on a clothes line, and the final hoop holds a cute “hello, doe” fabric. I also found an adorable changing pad cover, that fit the theme perfectly, on Etsy.

The easiest part of Haven’s nursery was this wall. I had these awesome water color flowers from when her room was the guest room and I still just love them so I decided to in-cooperate them. Once Haven had her newborn photos taken I knew this photo would be turned into a canvas and would hang between the two flower canvases. Easy!!
I was immediately drawn to the pixelated flower print of her bedding. It’s pretty but fun at the same time. (Bedding found on Etsy and the rug is from Target.) My friend Ashley had the quilt made for Haven in the colors and theme of her nursery and it has a patch inside that reads “PaPa’s Little Angel” in honor of my Dad who passed away. It makes me smile every time I wrap her in it.

This wall is probably my favorite and also took the most of my time with finding each piece. That little fawn holds my heart!! It’s just so precious! I found her on Etsy. I also found these gorgeous embroidered flowers from a wonderfully talented woman in Australia. When the piece showed up it was smaller than I had anticipated so I then found this frame in the most unlikely of places *cough* Walmart *cough again* (haha) and I distressed it with paint and sand paper to have it blend in with the other frames. I am happy with the turn out even though it wasn’t initially what I had planned. Another favorite of mine is this custom designed Bible quote of the verse that inspired Haven’s name. It’s pretty and means so much to us. (This was designed by a woman I found on Etsy as well.) The bookcase has been fun to fill with cute little nic-nacs. On top the vases and their wooden holder (Etsy) are filled with artificial flower leftovers from another nursery project and the little antique deer were (as I’m sure you can already guess)…found on Etsy. (Haha.) I’m still working on a few other things for the bookcase but it works for now.

I wanted to keep this wall simple so I stuck to a framed “H” of flowers. I made it from a cardboard letter that I cut the top off of then painted white and then artificial flowers placed inside and fastened with hot glue. I got everything from our local craft store. It was a fun afternoon project. The way I got the frame is a long and sad story, but the short version is I was having a major case of pregnancy brain and shattered the glass while trying to frame the fawn. I had to purchase a whole other frame but….I was able to re-purpose the broken one here, so it ended not as sadly as it began. I also was able to re-purpose this cute teal cart and baskets from our guest room. Instead of holding towels and bathroom products it now holds bows and blankets. I think that’s an upgrade! My friend Beckey gave me this adorable vintage lamp which I was giddy to notice matched the vintage deer on the bookcase. My talented cousin Allison made the cute mermaid doll for Haven. Girl stuff is so much fun, but I went with solid navy curtains to tone down all the girly florals and bright colors.

Alright, I have to take back what I said about the wall above the crib being the easiest wall space…this actually was because I literally didn’t do anything but print off a canvas from Haven’s newborn session and my friend Danielle gifted us the Bible verse wood art. So, I’m taking no credit for this one besides hanging them up.

There you have it!! I hope you enjoyed touring Haven’s nursery as much as I enjoyed putting it together! Nurseries are such a labor of love and I hope she feels the love in every detail. I was blessed to do this for my sweet daughter.IMG_7930IMG_7926IMG_7954IMG_7965

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Merry Christmas.

23 Dec

I pray this holiday brings you lots of love and joy.
Have yourself a Merry little Christmas!
I know we sure will!
xoxo

Early Christmas.

30 Nov

On Saturday we had Christmas early so that we could celebrate together before Scott deployed. Scott was upset that he would be missing Haven’s first Christmas as he had with Royal’s first one. So I asked him if he wanted to celebrate early and of course he said yes.

We woke up just like we would on any Christmas in our house. We turned on Christmas music, opened stockings, and had our regular Christmas breakfast, of cinnamon rolls and peppered bacon. Royal decided cinnamon rolls are better eaten unrolled. (Haha.) Over breakfast we talked to Royal about Jesus’ birthday and why we celebrate Christmas.

Once breakfast was over we opened our gifts and laughed as we watched Haven open her first ever presents. There’s something so sweet and magical about a baby’s first Christmas, even with her not understanding what’s going on. I know this meant so much to Scott to be there for these moments even if it was a month early.

The rest of the day was spent relaxing and watching all of our favorite Christmas movies while the kids played with their new toys.

All day we kept saying just how much it felt like Christmas. We were confused when no one else was posting pictures of the holiday on social media, then we’d remember it wasn’t the actual day. It was truly perfect!IMG_6113Deployments take a lot from us as a family but Christmas this year wasn’t one of them! I’m thankful for my family and the precious memories we were able to make on our little Christmas morning. IMG_5937

Murmur.

31 Aug

Last week Haven had her 2 month check-up. She’s doing awesome but while listening to her heart the doctor found a slight murmur. Dr. Byan wasn’t worried but he put in a referral to a cardio specialist in Pensacola anyway. He wanted her to have an ultrasound performed and assured us that he was only being thorough.

Yesterday we went to the appointment where the tech found a small hole between her left and right ventricle. The size and location of the hole is not worrisome and they believe it will close up on it’s own. We’ll go back in a few months to follow up and make sure it closes but they’re not concerned.

I also have a slight murmur, which has never caused me any trouble, so I wasn’t too worried but heart stuff frazzles me ever since my dad’s passing. I’m extremely grateful to know she’ll be alright. Thank you, Jesus!

Our darling daughter found the ultrasound relaxing and quickly fell asleep. She looked so peaceful that I had to capture that moment of our sweet girl sleeping while her mommy was the opposite of “at peace.” Something about that moment calmed me.

As my friend Kim reminded me, this baby is our haven and she will continue to live up to her name.

Slow down.

29 Mar

I’ve always counted myself a strong woman. I can pretty much handle anything life throws at me and still stay standing. It’s mostly because I can plan my way through it. As long as I prepare I feel ready for it. My Type A personality tells me that as long as I stay busy and organized it’s going to all work out.

The problem with a Type A personality mixing with pregnancy is that you lose pretty much all of your organizational skills and brain sharpness to preggo brain. It’s really really really extremely frustrating when you’re waiting for your brain to engage and it never seems to catch up to the speed you’re used to functioning at. Then you end up working twice as hard to complete tasks that used to only take you a matter of minutes. You add that to the waddling that slows you down, doubling your daily load because of deployment, a two year old who you for some reason decided to toilet train a week after your husband left, running a business, missing and worrying for your husband while he’s deployed, preparing for a new baby, stressing if the Air Force will let your hubby come home early so he doesn’t miss the baby’s birth, being far from family, and tons of appointments, and I’ve gone almost completely mad!!! Seems like as soon as I start one project 6 more appear and I get interrupted 26 times in the process which then takes me a solid 10 minutes to remember where I left off. The proficiency is gone. I miss my brain. (haha)

During a deployment you need to be at your best and sadly I feel like I’m at my worst. I’ve found myself overwhelmed from the second I wake up to the minute my head finally rests on my pillow at night. I’ve been forcing myself to have even a few moments a day to just rest. It’s certainly taking a toll on my body and as I am now in my 30th week of pregnancy I have to remind myself that it’s okay to slow down a little. It feels like actual torture to sit when I have lists upon lists adding up in my mind. I’m telling myself that it’s alright if some things slip a little, no one else is going to notice but me. But…we’re always our own toughest critics.

The thing that has broken my heart the most this round is just how badly Royal has missed his daddy. He will wake up crying and when I ask him what’s wrong he says “I cry Dada. I miss Daddy.” I don’t know how to comfort his hurting heart and it’s impossible to explain the reasoning to a two year old.  He’s been dealing with separation anxiety too which rips my heart in half. I’ll hear him talking in his bed at night saying “Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me” and if I go in the garage he’ll come running full speed from the other side of the house yelling “Mama!! Don’t leave me!!” I can’t even stand it. All I can do it hold him close and reassure him that I’m not going anywhere. I tell him that Dada will be home soon and I remind him of all the ways his Daddy loves him. I hate all of that the most. I wish I could just take away all the pain from his little tiny self.

I’m also working on being better at asking for help from others, and I’ll admit this is humbling for me. I HATE asking because I actually enjoy handling things on my own, but I know those around me want to help and I need to let them. Being a burden to others is my biggest fear, so I’m truly striving to be okay with it. I’ve found that people love you through their actions and I shouldn’t rob people of that by always saying no to their offers.

Hands down this has been the most difficult of all the deployments but every situation is temporary and soon it will end. Until then I need to sit when my body says sit and rest when my mind needs rest. The goal is to keep this little girl in as long as possible, to up the chances of Scott being home for her arrival, and for that to happen I need to take it a bit easier. Another goal of mine is to soak in as much time with Royal as I can before he’s no longer my only baby. It’s bittersweet so I want to make the most of these next 10 weeks with him. Both goals involve me slowing down to breathe and ignoring the 102 lists that are constantly building up around me. As long as we’re fed and healthy the rest can wait.

“My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
-Psalm 73:26

Boating.

29 Sep

Since we moved here to Florida, over 3 years ago, we would always drive over the Destin Bridge and see all the boats. It looked like such a blast and we would always say “we should do that!!” but it took us until this summer to actually go for it!

We have now gone out 4 times in a 2 month period. We’re kinda boating addicts now. It’s so relaxing being out on the water, looking at beautiful scenery, wading in clear blue water, and soaking up the sun. Seriously like being on a little vacation just 20 minutes from your house.

Royal loves it too! He will skip his entire nap because he’s having such a blast. I’ve never known this child to skip a nap-time but he is just so busy looking at all the other boats and swimming that he doesn’t even notice how sleepy he is.

Now anytime we have visitors in town we’re going to of course suggest this as THE MUST DO during their stay. It’s just so fun!! You simply throw some sandwiches in a cooler, grab lots of water and sunscreen, and then you’re set for a whole day of relaxing and chilling with your friends. Perfection!

Although I’m sad we waited so long to try this boating thing, I’m really thankful that it came to us in this season of our lives. We needed fun this summer! We needed relaxation! We needed friend time! We really just needed to have an escape where we could be carefree for a little while. It was everything I needed this summer.

I hope we can at least get one more trip in this year, but if not…next summer will be full of weekends like this! I can’t wait!!

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Up and Down.

30 Aug

Something hit me in the last two weeks leaving me with zero energy. Sadness is about the only emotion I’ve been able to feel and sleep is the one thing I’ve craved. I feel so off and I can’t seem to snap out of it.

I wake up after a night of restless sleep and by Royal’s nap-time I’m so exhausted that I too have to nap. I don’t like feeling this way. I feel numb. I try to cry to find that release but I never can so it all feels so pent up.

I know this is a normal stage of grief but for some reason it completely caught me off guard. I’ve been so strong, maybe too strong. I have a tendency to hold it all in and to give the illusion that I’m doing great when in reality I’m crumbling completely. I have always been an emotional stuffer. I shove it all down until eventually I break and find myself in this place. I hate feeling weak. I hate this helpless hopeless feeling. It’s temporary but the last two weeks have been so painful and unbearable.

I’ve been so busy up until these last few weeks and I think that’s part of the problem. It’s easy to forget about the pain when you’re busy. Your mind and schedule so full that you have no real time to think and dwell on the hurt and the missing piece in your life. I just want my Dad. Every single day I think about him. Most days it makes me smile but the last two weeks it’s made me ache. I just need him. I need to hear his voice and to hear him say he’s proud of me. I need my biggest cheerleader back in my corner. He’ll never be here again and I think it’s sinking in more and more. It’s been 8 whole months since the last day he lived. How can my life move on while his has ended? I know he wouldn’t want us to stop living but here I am always wishing he was still alive to share in these moments with us.

I am constantly worrying about my mom. She’s all alone in our family home surrounded by memories of him. My dad was home every night and now he’s not home any nights. I don’t know how she does it. She’s in a dark place as well and to feel so completely far away from her is a terrible feeling. I just want to be there with her and to help her when it all feels too heavy. The best I can do is to call and hope she tells me how she’s actually doing. She doesn’t though. We’re very much the same in that we don’t want others to worry about us, so we decide that we can handle it on our own. She’s an emotional stuffer as well and I think she’s hit her max. I worry.

These things will get better and I know in a few days I’ll be back to normal, until the next time it all comes smashing down again. When you lose the strength in your family it’s hard to know how to move forward. We will, but it’s always going to hurt to know he’s not moving forward with us.

I can’t wait until the day I see his smile again, and to hear how much he’s missed me too.