We…actually me.

13 Jan

I recently noticed that I use “we” whenever I talk about decisions I’m making for Royal while Scott’s deployed. At first the reasoning escaped me for why I would be doing this but then it hit me, “I” sounds so lonely when you’re talking about parenting your child. When I say “we” it fills the void I’m feeling in our current life situation.

I can’t decide if this is healthy for my emotional well being but I’m thankful it’s a temporary problem to have because soon Scott will return to us and the “we” will become truthful again.

Scott is really great to help me talk through the issues and decisions that have come up in his absence, and most times he does come to the conclusion with me, but in the small day to day things I still find myself saying “we did this” “we thought it was a good idea” even when he wasn’t even remotely involved. Odd.

It could also be that I’m so used to saying “we” that it’s habit. I have been saying it in reference to Scott and me for the last 9 years so that could explain it, but it doesn’t erase the fact that when I say “I” it feels like someone just punched me in the stomach. Scotty is such a wonderful father and it pains me to know that he’s having to be away from us during these sweet moments in our son’s life.

Last week I told Scott that I was going to Target to purchase size 2 diapers and that really hit him hard. He couldn’t believe he missed all of the size 1 stage. It’s funny (not funny) how those small things that normal parents don’t even blink over can make such an impact on a daddy who is away in Afghanistan. I love that my husband loves so deeply and something like this can bring a tear to his eye.

I do my very best to capture every new thing Royal does. Praise God for technology or I have no idea how I could keep him up to date. I love that I can video tape a milestone and he can watch it 7,382 miles away. I think that helps Scott feel included, but of course it’s not the same as being able to join in. I’m so proud of my husband and for the commitment and sacrifices he’s made for our freedoms. I’m ready for him to be home though…this has been quite long enough.

I hate this. I want my family to be whole, for our “we” to mean three again.



4 Responses to “We…actually me.”

  1. srs2teach January 13, 2015 at 5:09 pm #

    My husband is retired after 20 years. I can’t say deployments will get easiet, because honestly, they won’t. But you will have such an appreciation of your time together that when he is home full time it will be very special.

    • Lyssa January 13, 2015 at 6:04 pm #

      Thank you! I see you’re in pensacola! We are in fort walton beach! Small world!!

      • srs2teach January 13, 2015 at 6:24 pm #

        Yes it is! Another bonus, you will have a wonderful photo/video collection as you work to “document and share everything with your husband 😄, I wish we had had face time when my older children were younger.

  2. a maloney January 16, 2015 at 12:35 pm #

    Alyssa, you and Scott both are very brave! Dad and I are so very proud of you! You and Scott are wonderful parents and we pray for you 3 to be together again very soon! love and prayers, Mom

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