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Seasons.

30 Sep

 

“To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born, And a time to die;
A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill, And a time to heal;
A time to break down, And a time to build up;
A time to weep, And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, And a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain, And a time to lose;
A time to keep, And a time to throw away;
A time to tear, And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, And a time to speak;
A time to love, And a time to hate;
A time of war, And a time of peace.” -Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

This time of year we realize all the beauty that comes with the changes in season. You start looking forward to seeing the leaves change colors and for the days when you get to pull out your cozy sweaters and cute fall boots. You can’t wait for the air to feel crisp and to have a hot drink in your hand again. There is something so comforting in knowing there will be a change coming. It’s almost like we wake up to a different life and feel new again. God knows that we need the seasons to feel refreshed.

We are always so thankful for the changes in weather as we transition from hot-stuffy-summer to cool-crisp-fall, from sneezy-allergy-ridden fall to chilly-cozy-winter, from freezing-dreary-winter into beautiful-fresh-spring, and from rainy-muddy-spring into fun-exciting-summer again. We get so irritated with the current season we’re in towards the end of it and want to be on to the next. I think the same is true  within our lives. If we were always living life without any disturbances we would be ready for the next thing, never enjoying the stage we are walking in.

I could never grasp the beauty of the verse above when I was younger, it was just one of those verses you were forced to learn, going to a Christian private school, and you logged it away right after you were tested on your memory and knew you’d passed. It held no importance to me as I didn’t know what it meant to live some of the trials listed. I only knew the up-side to each line: peace, love, laughter, and dancing; these are the things all childhoods should be filled with. On the other side of the coin, I also didn’t know how to appreciate the ups because I’d never felt the hard downs.

I would say that before this past season in our lives I was still begrudgingly looking at the hard times as an annoyance and just something to rush out of and pray that you came out less damaged than when you went in. “Brush yourself off and move on” was my mentality. I was missing out on a lot of self-growing using this method. What good are your trials if you don’t spend the time realizing your weaknesses and building an addition to yourself that you may not have had before? I hadn’t been finding beauty in the ashes.

I’m now learning to grow in the down times and thrive in the ups.

This month was a huge UP!!!! We needed this month after the two that had battered us before. We started September off near Tampa visiting Scott’s sister Karen and her hubby Matt. It was wonderful to get away, on the long weekend, and just feel alive again. We needed the fun that comes with only caring about where you’re going to eat and floating from one activity to the next. There’s true healing that comes with surrounding yourself with people who love you and also know how to cheer you up with a good time.

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Mid month we had friends we knew in Colorado come from North Dakota to a nearby town, so of course we jumped at the opportunity to see and spend time with them. We enjoyed our day filled with exploring the Naval Museum, shopping, gabbing, and (my always favorite) eating. It always amazes me how at home we feel when someone comes to visit us in our new Florida environment. It’s comforting and familiar and often I crave it! Jered, Jaala, and sweet little AzjLynn gave us the gift of home during their visit.

pensacola

A few days after our day trip to Pensacola we celebrated Scott’s Golden Birthday! I’m ever thankful for the day he was born 24 years ago and I always make a much bigger deal of it than he would like. I just love birthdays and enjoy all the spoiling I’m able to pour out!

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This past Saturday we had the pleasure of attending an Air Force ball! One of the things every new military wife dreams of! The night was formal and everything I had hoped! I enjoyed dressing up and Scott enjoyed playing hours of video games as I prepped! (Haha.) We had a blast and will absolutely be going again next year!

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AF ball

This season is sweet and I hope it continues for awhile, but when the bitter taste of life strikes again I’ll continue to refine and build myself up into the woman God has set out for me to be!!

 

Learning.

22 Aug

If this month has taught me one thing, it’s to let others help me.

Those who know me, who truly and deeply know me, know that I am not one to admit I need help. I struggle, and most times no one knows. People have called it strength but honestly, it’s the opposite. Somehow I get it in my head that asking for help is a weakness and showing that side of myself is a sign of failing. I have been working on this because it absolutely comes down to being prideful.

I am a strong person but this month I realized there are just some things you can’t face alone. The burden has almost smothered me a few times. Any emotion: happy, sad, anger, excitement, comes out in a full on emotional breakdown with tears and all. Before I traveled home for a visit I thought I was fine. I was safe in my Florida bubble where nothing unpredictable happened. I was able to become numb and guarded (one of my key defenses to grief.) I knew my routine and not too much was expected of me. If I felt overwhelmed I could throw myself into a project to distract from the terrible thoughts and feelings that came swirling through my mind like a destructive tornado. What I thought was safe was actually a curse to my needed healing.

While home in Colorado I faced so much busyness that whenever I had a rare down moment the depression would hit, and it hit me hard. It ate at me and soon I would be utterly speechless (shocking I know) and staring off into the distance. I was playing my “I’m ok!” role so well that when I did have a moment to myself, and could take my happy face off, all that was left was the ugly mess that is my emotional state right now. Sadly, these moments only happened around my family so they got the crappy “not at all herself” Lyssa. I was exhausted. Pretending to be alright is a lot of work. This all shocked me because as I said, I really thought I was back to myself and healed almost fully.

I’m thankful to the trip home for making me aware of my fragile emotions. If I hadn’t gone home I can’t be certain I would have come to realize the struggle going on inside of me. I’m a happy person, I always have been and I pray that I always will be! Feeling down all the time fights the very threads of my being so I don’t know how to function as the new “damaged and broken” me. I know for a fact that I won’t always be broken but for now…I am. I need to come to terms with that and accept it because the first step to healing is knowing you’re not complete in your grieving form.

I have wonderful friends and family who WANT to help me through the tough times in my life and by not letting them I’m only hurting and selling myself short on the healing I need. I have always known I have a wonderful support system and people who deeply love me, just knowing this was not enough for me to actually LET THEM show love and support. To receive these things you have to allow them to be given to you! I’m a silly girl with silly notions, I figured just knowing I had those waiting for me on the sidelines was enough to heal on my own. What a stupid silly fool I am! I NEED to be supported right now! I need God to hold me to Himself and cradle me until the storm has passed, and I need my friends and family to hold my hand through the moments when utter despair engulfs me!

I need help!!! I’m learning that only by admitting this can you truly feel the gravity of love around you. If we’ve never fallen, how can we be certain something won’t catch us? I feel blessed in knowing I’ll always have people to break my fall. In coming back to Florida I’ve resolved to talk more about my emotions. It’s become more comfortable saying “I’m having a difficult time.” I don’t know what I was so scared of…maybe that my friends would look at me like I lost my mind or that I am a whiny little creature?! Instead all I’ve seen are eyes looking back at me with pure love and compassion. I’m loved, and just realizing and seeing it makes the fear I’ve carried around seem so juvenile and ridiculous. I’m far from where I want to be, but I finally feel as though I’m taking steps in the right direction.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time.” -Ecclesiastes 3:11a

Coping.

23 Jul

I have struggled with the thought of actually writing this out. Writing puts a kind of finality on an event. It’s black and white, if it’s written…it’s documented. I have always found comfort in putting down my thoughts and feelings, so for therapeutic reasons I’ll write.

This month has held the greatest heartbreak I’ve ever felt. I pray no one has to go through the hurt and pain that comes with a miscarriage. One of the hardest things to deal with is the fact that people don’t recognize your loss as a true one. They tell you “It’s OK, you can try again,” “At least now you know you can get pregnant,” “You’ll be OK because in a few months you can try again.” What people don’t realize is that all you want is THAT baby. I know everyone means well and is trying to be encouraging but when they tell us to “just try again,’  it’s as if they’re telling us that we shouldn’t be grieving the tiny life my body once held.

The minute you find out you’re going to be a parent you love that baby instantly. I’ve never felt such an intense love as I did when I found out. You make plans for this child, you dream of all the potential, you pray every second of everyday that the baby is growing strong and that it will have all the right things to succeed in the World. Your life changes, from that moment you’re not living for yourself anymore. Your diet changes, you buy a water filter, you take all the right vitamins, you mother that child in your womb the same as you would the rest of it’s life. I was it’s mommy and I can’t help but feel guilt because my body couldn’t protect the baby and carry it full term. The guilt ate me alive for the first few weeks. I went over everything wondering where I went wrong. There will never be answers to this because there’s no explanation other than for some reason my body and the baby’s body didn’t line up somehow.

I know we never got to hold our baby, to rock it to sleep, to hear it’s perfect baby laugh, to comfort it when it cried but all the same…we loved and lost.

Slowly things are returning to normal in our home. I no longer lay on the couch staring at the wall for hours on end. I can actually bring myself to leave the house and socialize with my friends. I still can’t talk about it much. I can say a few sentences and then I feel myself breaking down all over again so I change the subject. I keep hoping that one morning I’ll wake up and the ache will be gone but I’m coming to terms with the fact that this is always going to be a hurt in me. I’m always going to wonder what our baby would have looked like, what it’s first words would have been, what kind of sports and hobbies he/she would play. I’ll never know and that’s something my heart can’t grasp. How can you love a little being so much and never really get to spend time with it? It’s unfair that you love so deeply just to have that baby gone in an instant. Feels as though it’s a cruel joke and someone will pop up at any second and yell “JUST KIDDING” and our lives will continue on in the same joyous bliss we had when we were still expecting.

I know forgetting would be the easiest route, just act as though it never happened and continue on, but…I don’t have a heart that can do that. I never want to forget. We were creating a child that God gave to us and I refuse to act like that little life didn’t matter. Many couples, when experiencing a miscarriage, feel a need to hide it and because of that it becomes a matter of shame. I want others to know I carried a baby who we loved utterly and deeply. We had names, nurseries planned, dreams, and most of all we had LOVE for this baby. I would do absolutely anything to have that baby’s heart beating alongside my own again.

We’re doing alright though, we’re coping. Some days are harder than others but we’re healing. I still flinch whenever I see the due date on a calendar and  it will take some time for me to no longer look at pregnant ladies longingly and jealously. I was one of them, feeling the joy of pregnancy, and someday I will feel it again but for now…I’m taking it day by day. I’m blessed to have amazing friends and family who have held tightly to me keeping me from slipping down a hill of depression, which I was bordering on. I’ve been so grateful for my husband who is my safety net. I couldn’t have asked for a better person to walk through this with. I know God works through these tragedies of life and although we still struggle with “why” we find comfort in knowing that God has something wonderful in store for us.

Even when clouds are blocking the sun completely, God will send the rainbow!

2 married years.

24 Jun

This weekend we celebrated our 2 year marriage anniversary!

I usually stand back amazed at how quickly time has flown but this anniversary I really felt that we lived the time. In many ways the last year was one of the most difficult we’ve had, but through it we grew. Growing is so essential as we go throughout the daily grind, if we’re not growing we’re wasting. I can say that we aren’t the people we were a year ago. I get sad saying that because I know I lost a lot of my naive thinking about the world and how I thought that life always turned into a fairy tale. It’s cliche to say “fairy tale” but I think in the back of our minds we all still really hope that it exists. Our love is the only thing that boarders on that dream but life gets in the way of getting through that one amazingly difficult trial and then everything is perfect. Life isn’t that way, it’s a series of one trouble or difficulty after another. If you’re lucky you’re given just as many blessings to break up the difficulty.

We are extremely blessed!! We live in a house we love, an area we love, have amazing friends here already, and we have wonderful friends and family who have always supported us back home. Don’t think I’m saying that our life isn’t wonderful by saying it’s challenging! I enjoy the challenge! I love being able to say “I survived this,” “I overcame that!” I feel pride looking back on the last 365 days! Conquering the distance that separated us the majority of this last year gives us the knowledge we need to survive this Air Force lifestyle. It was hard having to learn this reality right out the gate but in all honestly I think it gave us a foot up  because we know what to expect and gave us future confidence in thinking “we got this!!”

God has been the center of our marriage or believe me…we would have failed long ago! He gives us the encouragement we need to love and cherish each other. He guides us in our decisions and leads us away from anything that could be detrimental. The older I get the more I realize that I’m absolutely helpless and effect-less without my God! I always thought the older you got the better you became at handling yourself but that’s not at all true. I think we finally become humble and realize it’s OK to say “I have no idea what I’m doing! I need help!” I hate asking for help and maybe that’s why it’s taken me so long for this realization to hit me.

I’m thankful for this past year, not because it was butterflies, rainbows, and romance but because we truly LIVED! We went out on a ledge and had faith that God would catch us if we only let go! He caught us and blessed us with everything we need! We are content and excited beyond words for the new set of blessings God has for us this coming year! We already know it’s going to be the biggest of our lives! We must continue to trust in our Lord and know that our needs will be met!

“Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.” -Psalm 36:5 

anniversary

Home and opportunities.

21 May

Wow, another month is behind us! I can’t believe how quickly time keeps flying by!

The day after we were completely settled into our new home I had to start packing my suitcase again to go home to Colorado! (Boy, do I hate suitcase living!) I was excited to come see everyone but it was extremely hard to think of leaving so soon after getting here. We hadn’t even settled into a routine and here I was flying away again. I’ve come to have a love/hate relationship with travel, I love it once I get there but I always hate the leaving where I’m at part.
The trip home was wonderful but it came and went in a blink! I had every day packed full of something to do and yet I STILL didn’t fit everything and everyone in. I was able to see my brother graduate with his chemistry degree from School of Mines, which was the whole reason for my trip home. I wouldn’t have missed this huge day in his life for the world! I am so proud of him! He’s so determined and has a brain so intricate that mine is jealous! My brain would have exploded on the first day of classes if I tried down that route! [haha]

The biggest downside to being an Air Force spouse, that I’ve had to come to terms with, is that you’re always going to be missing someone! If you’re not with your husband you miss him. When you move across the country you miss your family and friends. It’s hard realizing that your life will never feel the wholeness that you had when everyone lived in the same town. I miss that feeling.

I got home on Sunday and I’m still pooped from traveling and activities in Junction. It always takes me a few days to get all caught up on sleep and be myself again. It’s good to be back though. It’s amazing how quickly Florida has come to feel like home! I can’t wait to finally have our routine worked out and be completely at ease here, but for now I’m content with our situation.

God opened an amazing opportunity to reach out to other Air Force girlfriends, fiances, and wives this week! I interviewed online to be an administrator of a sister page to a high trafficked Facebook page (with nearly 8,000 likes!) The original page is for all the branches combined and I interviewed for the Air Force specific page. The interview included an application and three days full of random essay questions. Everyone I talk to about it says this seems a little extreme over a Facebook page but the ladies who make these pages want to make sure they’re putting quality people in these admin positions who know what they’re doing and talking about. We have to make sure that crucial information of troop movement and other safety issues stay on wraps. As the admins of the page we’re responsible of keeping anything that may violate these rules off the page. It may all sound silly to you but I’m really proud that I was chosen as one of the 3 to run this page! I have been praying for something to come along that would give me the chance to reach out and encourage ladies in my same position. The page in 3 days of being up and running has already received almost 200 likes so our audience that we’re reaching will continue to grow! God is good and placed this right in my lap! I want to be an encouragement and a guiding light to women who feel as lost as I did going into this lifestyle. As a military wife you’re in constant fear of the unknown and if I can help at least one person feel a little less fearful and lift their spirits just an inch I’ll do it! So this is where I’ll be pouring out my energy and time.

Once again I’m blown away by God’s faithfulness and the blessings He gives us!

david grad

Florida here we come!

7 Jan

We recently found out that we will be stationed at Hurlburt Field AFB in Pensacola Florida! We couldn’t be happier! We were told that it would be nearly impossible to get your #1 pick on your first dream sheet but Scott did! God blesses us!!!

Scott’s sister lives near Tampa Florida and we’re thrilled to be so close to Karen and her hubby Matt! Even though it’s a 6 hour drive at least it’s doable on long weekends and for Holidays! Family is very important to Scott and I, and being close to them makes moving to a foreign place much easier.

karen and matt

On top of being close to family we also have a handful of friends being stationed at the same base.:

Scott’s friend he’s been with all the way through tech school will be joining us on our move. I’m so thankful for Chris and the friendship he has given Scott over the last few months we’ve been apart. He’s been such an encouragement to Scotty and it’s given me peace knowing Scott isn’t lonely.

chris

I have become wonderful friends with an Air Force wife whose husband was in Scott’s Basic Training Flight. Francesca and I have talked ever since 2 weeks into basic training and there hasn’t been a day that has gone by without us talking.  Who would have guessed that after 7 months of texting and calling that we would be getting stationed at the exact same base in Florida! It’s amazing how God looks out for our needs and emotions!

francesca

I also have a friend I went to youth group with who’s getting stationed with her husband at Eglin AFB which is 12 miles from us! AMAZING! What are the chances?! I have so much fun with Tifanie and we can’t wait for many many beach dates!

tifanie

I can’t believe how wonderful our Lord is to give us all these instant friends at our new home! There is always a divine plan and this is proof of it! We’re ready for some beach time and to switch up our daily routine. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for us in this coming year! We still don’t have a date for our move but it will be anytime between the middle of February to the end of April. We can finally see the end in sight! Be praying that our patience will stay strong! ;]

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All I want for Christmas is you.

7 Dec

AH!!!! I’m so gosh darn excited! SCOTT COMES HOME IN 15 DAYS!!!

He’s been gone since June 4th! By the time he is home it will be a week and a half short of 7 months. Golly, it’s been a long long road! God has continued to be so faithful even through the moments where we were so low and the light at the end of the tunnel seemed so far away. Although this isn’t the end of the separation it’s a nice break where we can just relax and fall back into a daily life routine, even if just for 10 days. We have to soak it all in and enjoy every sweet moment!

Scott has been very clear that he doesn’t want to make any plans. He wants to play every day by ear because he’s so used to a strict schedule where every moment is accounted for and planned out. I can understand him wanting the freedom of flexibility. He’s most looking forward to seeing his friends and family, sleeping in his own bed, playing with Clover, and meeting our new doggy Darcy. So many great memories will be made this visit!

I’m most excited to roll over in bed and have him there, to cook him his favorite meals, show him the projects I’ve completed in his absence, decorate the tree, listen to Christmas music while sipping wine, cuddle, and be able to call down the hallway to him. Honestly, just all the small things that make up a regular boring day in the life.

Everyone keeps asking me what I want for Christmas and I can say with no delay..nothing! I have all my wishes coming true just with having Scott come home! I keep getting butterflies thinking about picking him up from the airport and watching him walk into our apartment. This is another one of those moments that has kept me going through the days I just didn’t have the energy to put a smile on. I’m not gonna lie, I’m also very thrilled that I didn’t have to travel this month. I’ve become a bit burnt out on airports, lay overs, rental cars, and hotels. It’s nice that after traveling once a month for the last 6 that he’s the one coming to see me! :]

I’ve been trying to keep really busy for the last two weeks before he arrives. This week I have had something going on everyday and it’s helped to keep me from just staring at the clock. (Yes, I do count down the hours to being another day closer.) 9:11 am on the 22nd can’t come soon enough!!

So very thankful and as always…God is good!!!

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Ps: Merry Christmas from Darcy and Clover (and us of course too)!

Adios October

2 Nov

OCTOBER!!!! I can’t believe you came and went! Even with the sadness of separation the time still seems to be moving at a quick speed. Doesn’t seem like it when you’re living the day to day but when you’re in the next month looking back it shocks you.

I started the month with a huge project that I expected would take me 3 weeks. I knew I needed a little something to keep me busy as missing Scott has become even more difficult as this time goes on. You would think that it would get easier but it doesn’t. You just get better at ignoring the feelings. Anyway, I purchased a table from the 1950’s and wanted some unique chairs to go with it. I found 6 chairs on craigslist and then went to my cousin’s shop, Tangle, on main street to get some cute fabric. I had to spray paint the gold at the top of the chairs silver to match the chrome table. I then reupholstered the cushions. I busted this whole project out in 6 hours. My hands ACHED for 3 days. I get a little too determined and stopping makes me anxious. I hate procrastinating, almost to a fault. I was very pleased with how they turned out. Here they are!

The coming weeks were completely normal besides a fun girl’s trip to Denver with my Mom-in-law and Mom. We had so much fun shopping and visiting. I feel very blessed to have two amazing moms!

After coming back from Denver things were low key and then the 22nd hit. Boy, this day came out of nowhere, like a giant semi truck crashing in on us. The day was boring but I planned to go to see Mitt Romney’s running mate, Paul Ryan, speak at the college that night with my friend Danielle. We got our tickets and walked about a thousand miles (slight exaggeration) from our car to the gym where the assembly was taking place. We found some great seats exactly center from the stage so we had a great view! We were pumped! I then got a phone call that ruined the experience for me by quite a bit but for the sake of telling about Paul Ryan I’ll get to that in a bit. Paul Ryan was awesome! So cool to see yet another political figure speak. I truly pray and hope that this is the team that goes to the White House for the next 4 years but I’m not going to get into the politics now, you’re welcome. Last election I got to see both Sarah Palin and John McCain speak, plus shake his hand. Pretty cool for the first election I was old enough to vote in. It was neat to see Ryan speak though it’s so important to get involved and find out what you believe regardless of if it’s different from my opinion. VOTE!!! :] Here are a few pics, we could see him very well in person but we couldn’t get any decent pictures because of the bright lighting and his white shirt.

Now, back to the phone call I mentioned earlier. Just as we found our seats I received a phone call from a friend of mine whom we had given Hazel to. I could barely hear because of the crowd noise but I was able to make out that Hazel had been hit by a car and was being taken to the emergency pet hospital. I had no idea what condition she was in or how severe it was. I decided to sit tight because I knew there really wasn’t anything I could do but be in the way. Luckily the event was only about 30 minutes long and the moment we got out the door we started for the pet hospital. When we arrived the Vet didn’t have high hopes for her. He said that there would only be a 25% shot of her making it after the $3000-$5000 surgery. At that point Stephannie decided the most fair thing to do for Hazel was to let her pass. I completely agreed because her body was so broken and her organs were misplaced inside of her. It was more humane to let her go peacefully. Putting a dog down is one of the hardest things you can do for a little creature you care for so much. I was glad to be near to comfort her and tell her all she meant to us. Rest in peace Hazel!

Going through something as heartbreaking as that was I just wanted Scott home. I needed him to hold me and reassure me. We had to settle for sharing tears on the phone and holding on to the fact that we would be together in 3 days. I traveled to see Scott on Thursday and spent the weekend with him. I love our time together but as always our monthly visits go by all too quickly. I came back home on Monday and celebrated my Dad’s b-day with him and my mom, at Olive Garden. It’s always nice to come home after a trip but when your hubby is hundreds of miles away it just feels like an empty house.

That Wednesday, after I returned, Scott FINALLY started his classes! He’d been waiting 2 months!!! PRAISE GOD! This is what has been holding us up and now he’s finally moving forward again!

I also made a trip to Delta on Wednesday to adopt our new doggy, Darcy. We started the process of adopting her from a rescue about 2 weeks before Hazel passed. Although the timing wasn’t ideal we decided to go through with the adoption because she was such a wonderful dog and I knew that we were capable of giving her the home and love she needed. Also, Clover had been so lonely since Hazel went to another family and we wanted to find a new addition that would fit in well with our lifestyle and family. Darcy is what they call a Catahoula cattle dog. I’d never heard of this breed before but from people I know and the research I’ve done it’s a smart, loving, gentle, and loyal breed that make great family dogs. She’s perfect for us! She’s so well behaved and we’ve had no trouble with her besides hating car rides. [haha]

Well, there it is, that was our October. Although it had a rough middle the beginning and end were great. God continues to be good even through the tough times!

Air Force Graduation.

20 Aug

Disclaimer: I amaze myself sometimes, not in a positive way. I go from one extreme to another with this blogging. I either don’t blog because I have nothing interesting going on to post about, or I don’t blog because I can’t find the time because I have so much going on. AH! No happy medium with this girl. So, here is the blog I owe on Scott’s graduation even though it’s about 3 weeks overdue. Woops.

August 1st, the day I’d been waiting for, was finally here! It was time to jump on a plane! Traveling was easy and pain free until we landed in San Antonio and there was a bomb threat in the terminal. They kept us on the tarmac for 1.5 hours while they secured the airport. Talk about a buzz kill. All this build up to finally be there and you’re stuck on a plane with 100 sweaty people with no estimate of how long you’d be trapped. One up side to sitting there for that period of time Scott got a little free time and was able to call so I was able to tell him we were almost safely there. It was an amazing feeling to know I was only miles away from him verses the hundreds of miles that had been separating us. He said goodbye and we were finally able to exit about 10 minutes after. Thank goodness that trial was over!

We found Starbucks and then set out to find our rental car and hotel. It was good to finally be able to relax at the hotel after a day of travel. I knew I wouldn’t be sleeping well that night with the anticipation of seeing Scott the next morning. AHH! I was like a small child on Christmas eve, much too excited to sleep for fear that I may miss out on something wonderful. I’ll never forget those nerves I felt.

Thursday morning arrived and the nerves hit even harder!!! I was a wreck. I cried over my hair like the girly girl I am. I wanted to look fantastic but the humid San Antonio weather was my worst enemy. I laugh looking back on that morning because I made such a big deal out of such a small thing. Scott didn’t care, why would he?! [haha.] Finally we got in the car and I forced myself to calm down because my anxiety was sky high! My emotions sat comfortably between bursting into tears or jumping up and down in excitement. I’ve never had such turmoil inside my core.

The first activity of BMT (Basic Military Training) Graduation is the Airman’s run! OH MY! How fun!! All the family and friends of the graduating Airmen stand on both sides of this road and cheer on their loved one. It’s the first time you will see them if you’re lucky enough to spot them running by. Lucky for me, my mother has a Scott radar and she found him before I did. It was so exciting to see him even if he wasn’t able to see us. (He says he THINKS he saw us cheering, but who really knows?) Here is a picture and video of him running by. In the video his flight runs by at 2 mins 40 secs. Try to find him. ;]


After the Airman’s run we walked to the grounds where they do the coin ceremony. This was HOTTTTTT and they made us wait in the sun for an hour. I think all of my cuteness melted off my face while I sat there. At that point I didn’t care, I just wanted to see my man! All my nerves had turned into excitement! I was also excited because I finally met Francesca at the Airman’s run. We have stayed in contact and helped each other through this whole experience. It was amazing to finally sit next to her as we waited impatiently to see our husbands.

The coin ceremony is a tradition that marks the trainees becoming official Airmen as the coin is put into their hands. It was emotional to watch and of course I cried some more. I was so blessed watching with such pride in my husband. In the video Scott receives his coin at 1 minute. He is third from the right in the back row. :] (Forgive me cutting his head off when I started cheering.)

After the coin ceremony we were able to “tap them out”. This means that the men have to stay at attention until someone runs up and hugs them or shakes their hand. Some Airmen have no family to tap them out so you have to keep your eye out for them so they aren’t left standing there. Breaks my heart to think of it.

I was sooo excited to find him! I was pretty sure I knew where he was but I wasn’t certain from the back side. If you watch the video closely you can see me check his name tape before jumping on him, just to make sure it said “Dearborn”. I didn’t want to jump on a stranger. [haha.] This is by far one of the top 3 moments of my life!!! It was perfect and I’m so glad that my mom video taped it because it’s something we will enjoy remembering and watching for the rest of our lives!

Scott was then able to have some free time on base. It was fun having him show us around and he was thankful for the down time. We spent the day taking pictures and enjoying things he missed like soda, gum, subway, and other treats.

In the afternoon my dad and brother joined us and spent some time shopping with us as the BX, which is a small mall on base. Due to the joy of traveling troubles Scott’s family wasn’t able to get to the base till dinner time. Here is the video of them seeing Scotty for the first time.

At 7 we had to drop Scott back to his dorm for his curfew. That was the end of Thursday for us all and we awaited seeing him again after his graduation on Friday. We all went back to our hotel and had pie at a nearby restaurant.

Friday morning we all had to get up early to catch the shuttle to the graduation grounds. Luckily our seats were shaded because it was once again really hot and sunny. If you ever have the chance to see one of these graduations DO IT! It’s wonderful and makes you feel so patriotic! Scott’s flight is the grouping right below the American Flag.

He is the fellow marching 4th back, closest to us.

We then went to find him and “tap him out” again. I asked Karen if she wanted to do it because I had done it the day before. She took full advantage of her power and kept teasing him with lots of pictures while he was frozen. I was able to tap out an Airman who didn’t have any family. I was happy to do it and he thanked me later that day for “unfreezing” him.

Here Scotty is showing off his Marksman ribbon.

Then of course we had to do the family picture thing.

We then rode back to Scott’s dorm where he had to have a briefing before he was free to go off base for the first time in 2 months!! Here he is with some of the guys in his flight. They have their “tough guy” looks on. [haha.]

Scott chose to have his first meal of freedom at Cracker Barrel. He’s holding a huge bag of candy that his sister blessed him with. He got VERY spoiled that weekend. He milked it for all it was worth.

After lunch we went back to the hotel to rest up. He was thrilled to just take a nap and watch some Olympics. After he was rested we went to the mall to kill some time before the baseball game we attended. The deal was that if Scott went to this baseball game he was able to stay out until 11 verses the 8 o’clock curfew he was scheduled for. We jumped at that opportunity! Here are a few pictures from us goofing around at the game.

On Saturday we decided to adventure out to the river walk and to see the Alamo. If you’re in San Antonio please don’t miss out on either of these tourist attractions. The river walk is beautiful and the Alamo is such a big part of our American history.

We even took the boat tour.

Sunday was the last day and Scott had to stay on base. We only had till 3 with him so we shopped at the BX for things he needed for tech school and ate at the pizza joint on base. It was a hard day and Scott had a hard time focusing on anything other than the fact we were all leaving soon. Here we are putting on our brave faces.

All too soon it was time to say goodbye. Talk about a small taste of Heaven being ripped away from you. My heart broke as I saw the tears fill his eyes. Before we started the waterworks we squeezed in a picture together and he got a few pictures with 2 of of his buddies in his flight.

The trip was short, but boy was it sweet! These are the moments that make the waiting and tears so worth it! I cling to the time we get to spend together and never take those moments for granted. Looks like there are quite a few months more of being apart but I know we can make it through. I get to see him in 10 days! I can’t wait to hop on another plane on my way to him! I miss him something terrible but the phone calls, texts, and skype dates make it 212323453 times better than Basic Training! So glad to be done with that chapter in our life! I’m so proud of my husband and I can’t wait to be with him again!

22.

10 Jan

Yesterday I turned 23, but before I move on I need to give 22 some recognition…

I waited my whole life to be 22. It was always my lucky/ favorite number so I just couldn’t wait to be 22. When 21 came I was really excited, not for the freedom that 21 brings but because I was only a year away from my dream age. Once I turned 22 I just had an excited feeling in my heart knowing that it would be a year of big changes and many memories.

In the first month of 22 I hit my one year anniversary of working at Big League haircuts.  That was a pretty exciting milestone. I love my job and I enjoyed being able to say I’d put a full year into the business.

February and March were pretty easy going with nothing big to report on.

April was the month Scotty asked me to be his wife and we started planning our wedding.  We decided on June 22 of that same year. We both see 22 as our lucky number because that was our jersey numbers when we played basketball in high school. Also in April we took a trip to Vegas with some of our friends and had a blast unwinding before the stress of planning a wedding in only 3 months set in.

May was consumed with wedding planning, and stress, stress, and more stress. We started searching for an apartment that would allow us to keep Clover (my dog).

June is by far the best month of my life.  The wedding planning started finally coming to an end and the stress lifted from my shoulders. We found an apartment and moved majority of our stuff in and got it ready for Scott to move in once we were married. We then traveled to Wyoming on the 18th of June to get all the prewedding preparations in place before Wednesday. I became Mrs. Scott Dearborn June 22nd, 2011.  We had a small, quiet, beautiful wedding on my family ranch in Wyoming. The wedding took place by the river on our property and it was absolutely perfect! We just had our imediate families there to celebrate with us and some local friends, as well as our pastor and his wife. I couldn’t have asked for or dreamed of a better wedding. We then went on our mini honeymoon in Jackson Hole which was also perfection.

When July came we went back to Grand Junction and wrapped up the plans for our Junction wedding celebration. We celebrated with all our close friends and the family from out of town on July the 2nd. What a party! Everyone was dancing and it was such a good time. We felt blessed by all the love we were shown by our community. The day after the wedding Scott and I took off to our honeymoon in Cali. We had a blast at my aunt and uncle’s cabin in the mountains, then enjoyed our beautiful hotel by the beach in Huntington. We also hit up Disneyland and In-N-Out burger while we were there.

In August we settled into married life and started our intro into the military. Scott was still trying to decide between Army and Air Force. Finally, we realized that the Air Force would be the best fit for us with wanting a family and Scott wanting to get into Air Force intelligence.

September was a bittersweet month as we celebrated both Scott’s 22nd birthday and mourned the loss of his Grandma Jean. Whom we both adored and felt close to.

October we traveled to New Hampshire for the funeral. Although it was good to see family it was made difficult by the sad reason we were all together. New Hampshire was beautiful and I enjoyed seeing all the Dearborn family history and hearing all of Scott’s stories of coming to visit his grandparents as a kid. We will forever miss Grandma Jean. She honestly made our wedding so special and we feel so blessed that she was able to join the celebration.

In November, Scott enlisted into the Air Force and we started the waiting for a job game. We shared our first Thanksgiving as a married couple and enjoyed the time spent with family. We also added a new puppy into our home, Hazel. Puppy parenthood started for the second time for me and for the first time for Scott. Not a lot of fun sometimes but her sweet nature makes it worth the naughty moments.

As my last month of 22 rolled in we continued to wait for job placement and our patience continued to wear thin. We decorated our first married Christmas tree, sent out our first Christmas card and enjoyed our first Christmas. The last weekend of December we traveled to Denver and brought in the New Year by watching a Lakers vrs Nuggets game.

I had an amazing 22nd year and 23 has a lot to live up to! This next year will be full of even more change and lots of new memories. When we eventually figure out Scott’s job placement it will be the year we begin our Air Force journey. I’m both excited and nervous but I know God will bless us once again this coming year! He is good!

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