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Deployment Christmas

10 Dec

 

Christmas is my absolute favorite time of year. I enjoy everything about the season. Most years I can’t even contain my excitement! The tree flies up the day after Thanksgiving and the music is constantly on. I live and breathe Christmas!

This year though…I’m finding it almost painful to hear a single song. I haven’t even been pestering my parents to put up the tree. I’m having a real difficult time “getting into the spirit”. I think part of it is the fact that I’m not at my own home, because Royal and I are staying with my parents during the deployment, but the main reason is that Scott isn’t here.

Every joyful part of this holiday is about being with those you love and sharing in traditions. Since I was 16 Scott has always been a huge part of those traditions and the love I feel during Christmas. It doesn’t feel right decorating a tree or looking at lights without him here.

Of course I am LOVING that I get to share this holiday with my son! I can’t believe I finally have a child of my own to share the magic with, but then in the back of my mind I can’t shake the realization that Scott is missing out on this too. Gives you a guilty feeling knowing you are getting to soak it all in while he’s in a far off country far from family and close friends. I’m so proud of my husband and I’m amazed by the strength he has.

I know that he wants me to enjoy the season but it’s more than hard without him here!

I’m praying that as Christmas gets closer I will get more excited, but until then I’m focusing on the things I am excited for! I can’t wait for Royal to see his first Christmas tree and to see the wonder on his face when he gets to eat all the wrapping paper. I loved taking him to see Santa. Even though I never had Santa growing up it was fun to take Royal, in honor of Scott, and to send the pictures to Scott in Afghanistan. His Daddy got a kick out of them and I know it helped him feel a bit more at home. Royal loved seeing Santa and amazingly resisted the urge to pull his beard. (Haha.)

I’m going to do my best to focus on the good and on the whole reason for this season which is Christ being born! Thank you God for sending your son!

Merry Christmas everyone!!

santa

 

 

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First care package.

29 Nov

I’m feeling pretty down this month missing the hubster so instead of boring you all with a sad sappy blog I’m just going to to show you the Thanksgiving care package I sent to Scott in Afghanistan.

I first started out decorating the box in a festive way, and of course I decided on a silly turkey!

carepackage 011I used brown craft paper to cover the top and bottom white box flaps. For the top flap I cut out a beak and wattle then attached large googly craft eyes, and for the bottom flap I cut out little legs and feet and made a Thanksgiving “sign”. My next step was to cover the side flaps with little feather cut outs and layer them on top of each other. I’m pretty pleased with the turn out because it makes me giggle and that’s what I wanted Scott’s reaction to be as well.

I wanted to do a theme with the box so I chose “Thanksgiving dinner”. I had a blast shopping for things that would fit the theme in a clever way.

carepackage 009Sunflower seeds: to munch on until dinner (Anyone who knows Scott knows how much he loves sunflower seeds so of course I had to find a way to incorporate that into the box.)
Milk Duds: to remind you of your little man. (We nicknamed our son Milk Dud because of his love for milk. haha)
Red Hots: To remind you of your smoking hot wife who misses you! (hehe)

carepackage 006

Turkey Jerky: turkey (well done)
Loaded Baked Potato Pringles: a side dish.
Cola Gummies: your beverage
Free Birds DVD: Entertainment when you’re full of turkey!
Cigars: Tobacco to honor our Native American neighbors. (Match books too.)

carepackage 004Boston Cream Pie Milano cookies: Pie for dessert! Yummm!
Funnyuns: green bean casserole without the green beans ;)
Caramel Apple Suckers: just cause
Gum and his favorite kind of mints: Fresh breath for company.
Candy Corn: your vegetable ;) Ps: ew!
Toy Football: Thanksgiving football anyone?!

So there’s my box!! Happy Thanksgiving!!

carepackage 012

 

 

Transition.

23 Oct

I can’t even begin to express how strange these last few months have felt. We went from almost getting used to being new parents, and having our system down, to Scott leaving for his deployment and adjusting to doing it all on my own. AHHH! It’s almost too much change at once. I say almost but it absolutely is TOO MUCH!

I miss Scott so horribly much but I know the pain of having him gone. I know what to expect being away from him. What is breaking me now is the realization that Royal is missing out on having his daddy, and Scott is missing out on time with his son. Anytime we get to Skype, Scott gets sad seeing all the changes Royal is making and it’s only been a month. This is going to be much more difficult than we could have ever expected or prepared for.

The morning Scott left for the airport he just sat on the bed with Royal resting on his legs crying while Royal smiled at him trying to cheer him up. That is one heartbreaking scene that I will probably never forget as long as I live. The relationship they share is so precious and I hate that they’re missing out on time together.

Royal has had difficulty eating lately and it started right after Scott left. He misses Scott even though his little baby self doesn’t really understand the emotions he’s experiencing. When I put Scott on speaker-phone Royal turns towards his voice, it’s so sweet but also so sad. I wish we could jump on a flight and go visit for a weekend. Eh, maybe instead Scott could come here. (Haha.)

With most things time softens the blow, but I know with this it’s just going to get worse until Scott is home with us again. I’m extremely thankful to be home in Colorado during the holiday months, and to be surrounded by family and friends who keep us busy and help keep my mind off things. My prayer is that these 4 months fly by and that God continues to protect our hero while he’s away.

“May the Lord watch between you and me when we are absent one from another.” -Genesis 31:49b

Nicole Jade - Royal 028

Proud.

30 Mar

Proud Wife:

Happy to report that after over a year and a half of Air Force training Scott is finally able to start his job!!

It’s been a long and frustrating road for him and I know he’s relieved to have it behind him. Although the long wait for security clearance and training delays that plagued the first portion of his training were annoying, the last part was the most aggravating as he was put on medical hold and his classmates started finishing and then deploying without him. I was thankful to have him home for the extra time but when you’re married your spouse’s frustrations become your own. Scott was just ready to be through the program and to become “a real boy” as he says. (Haha.) The final stage of training is putting what he has learned into practice with 6 scenario flights which he passed with FLYING colors! ;) I am a very proud wife! It’s wonderful to see all of his hard work and time pay off.

It seems so odd that this chapter of our lives is at a close. Training is all we really know of the Air Force life so we’re both trying to figure out how to adjust to the next portion. I had such mixed feelings knowing training was almost over because I knew that what comes next is the ongoing deployments that come with Scott’s job. Most people in the Air Force don’t have frequent deployments that you can count on and they come more as a surprise than a guarantee. Scott’s job is not this way. He will be deployed every 5 months for 4 months, and once it starts it just keeps rotating like that. That’s a lot of time spent away from home and a scary thing to be overshadowing you as you grow a tiny infant in your belly.

A few weeks before his training wrapped up we heard rumor that Scott would be deploying in June, a month before the baby is due, and then a few days before he finished it was confirmed that he was on the list. As you can imagine this gave me a bit of a heavy worried heart but I prayed and tried to just let it sit in God’s very capable hands.

When Scott got over to his new squadron he was able to talk to one of his superiors and she said that she would do what she could but with his rank there wouldn’t be a whole lot of pull. He continued what he was doing and within a few minutes she came back and told him he was now assigned to a different flight and would be deploying a few months after the due date! Praise God! Now we can fully rejoice in Scott’s graduation to “real boy!” It’s still going to be hard to have him gone with the baby being  just a few months old but at least he’s not going to miss the most important thing of seeing his son come into the world. He will also have time to spend bonding with the baby which is very important for both Baby and Daddy. We are thankful and blessed.

It’s going to take yet another adjustment to get us through this next chapter but as always God has us covered and He’s working all things together for our good! What comfort we have in that!

Proud Mommy:

We had our 20 week anatomy ultrasound this month which showed baby boy is progressing  just as he should and he’s not lacking any of the things he needs to thrive on the outside! He’s in great health and is growing just as he should. He’s a little fellow though, coming in at the 25th percentile! I guess that’s what we get for nicknaming him “Smalls.” (Haha.)

You’re always so relieved when the Doc doesn’t have any concerns and just keeps saying how great things look! We are happy parents! He’s growing strong in there and his kicks are getting to be almost painful at times. A couple weeks ago I had my iPad resting on my stomach and the next thing I know it’s on the floor because the little mister kicked it off! I laughed and laughed.

It’s hard to believe that he will be here in just a few short months. Time is sure flying, but I hear it will start slowing down to a drag soon. I’m already growing impatient to snuggle him up!

(Here’s one of the latest looks at our guy! Scott pointed out, and it was funny to see, that the kid appears to have my nose! I love him.)

photo (13)

 

Missing something.

21 Oct

Scott and I had an amazing trip home this month that made us want to move back immediately and now we’re kinda sitting in a low place not feeling real content with our current surroundings. We were alright until we were in Colorado and realized that we’re missing out. It’s going to be a very long time (if ever) until we feel as though Fort Walton Beach is home. It won’t ever hold for us the memories of our childhoods or the friends we made along the way, and mostly this place will never be filled with family just a minutes drive away. I hate that.

It’s maybe time to rethink our approach to settling in here. I find myself wondering if I’ve done all I can to make this our home.

I know I’ve put all I can into the house. It’s filled with all the things we’ve collected in our first 2  years of marriage, precious things that make my heart happy to look at, it’s us in every corner. It’s a home we built together even if this isn’t where we want to eventually end up. I’m proud of what we have done with this rental. Of course someday we want a house of our own, but it might not be in the cards while living this military lifestyle. I’m trying to accept that…really, really, really, trying!!

Our relationships here are wonderful! They’re the kind of friends you only hope to meet and I thank God everyday that we all got stationed in the same place. It’s easy to love them. You quickly bond over the fact that we’re all in the same boat and you know without a doubt that you need one another! They’re your family when family is thousands of miles away. You plan holidays together to soften the blow of knowing you won’t see the usual faces around your table. The support net of my friends has kept me going! During the dark months that came this year they carried me and held me close. They cut me slack when I couldn’t be a very good friend because I didn’t even have energy to leave the couch to attend a girl’s day. I’m thankful for the grace they showed me. Now that my health and emotional state is being better resolved I plan on paying them back in full with however much “Alyssa time” they can take. Once I get that in motion I feel as though we may settle in again better.

Church has been a blessing to us but it doesn’t feel like Calvary. We’ve been attending since April and STILL no one knows our names, we’re not used to that. We miss everyone knowing our history and knowing when we’re going through a tough time. I miss having people who want to pray for you and cry with you. If I were to pin point one thing we’re lacking right now…it’s this. We need our fellowship and it’s hard to connect in the few minutes before and after the service. Scott and I can be really shy at times and we’re pretty shy whenever we walk in those doors each week. We shut down and I can’t figure out why. We need to work on this.

Scott and I have come to a realization that from this point on in our lives we will always be missing someone. Right now it’s missing our Colorado friends and family. When/if we move back to Grand Junction we’ll be missing all of the people we’ve met here. I don’t like that. I wish I could just wrap everyone up together and have it all. One can dream right?!

 

 

Seasons.

30 Sep

 

“To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born, And a time to die;
A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill, And a time to heal;
A time to break down, And a time to build up;
A time to weep, And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, And a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain, And a time to lose;
A time to keep, And a time to throw away;
A time to tear, And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, And a time to speak;
A time to love, And a time to hate;
A time of war, And a time of peace.” -Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

This time of year we realize all the beauty that comes with the changes in season. You start looking forward to seeing the leaves change colors and for the days when you get to pull out your cozy sweaters and cute fall boots. You can’t wait for the air to feel crisp and to have a hot drink in your hand again. There is something so comforting in knowing there will be a change coming. It’s almost like we wake up to a different life and feel new again. God knows that we need the seasons to feel refreshed.

We are always so thankful for the changes in weather as we transition from hot-stuffy-summer to cool-crisp-fall, from sneezy-allergy-ridden fall to chilly-cozy-winter, from freezing-dreary-winter into beautiful-fresh-spring, and from rainy-muddy-spring into fun-exciting-summer again. We get so irritated with the current season we’re in towards the end of it and want to be on to the next. I think the same is true  within our lives. If we were always living life without any disturbances we would be ready for the next thing, never enjoying the stage we are walking in.

I could never grasp the beauty of the verse above when I was younger, it was just one of those verses you were forced to learn, going to a Christian private school, and you logged it away right after you were tested on your memory and knew you’d passed. It held no importance to me as I didn’t know what it meant to live some of the trials listed. I only knew the up-side to each line: peace, love, laughter, and dancing; these are the things all childhoods should be filled with. On the other side of the coin, I also didn’t know how to appreciate the ups because I’d never felt the hard downs.

I would say that before this past season in our lives I was still begrudgingly looking at the hard times as an annoyance and just something to rush out of and pray that you came out less damaged than when you went in. “Brush yourself off and move on” was my mentality. I was missing out on a lot of self-growing using this method. What good are your trials if you don’t spend the time realizing your weaknesses and building an addition to yourself that you may not have had before? I hadn’t been finding beauty in the ashes.

I’m now learning to grow in the down times and thrive in the ups.

This month was a huge UP!!!! We needed this month after the two that had battered us before. We started September off near Tampa visiting Scott’s sister Karen and her hubby Matt. It was wonderful to get away, on the long weekend, and just feel alive again. We needed the fun that comes with only caring about where you’re going to eat and floating from one activity to the next. There’s true healing that comes with surrounding yourself with people who love you and also know how to cheer you up with a good time.

tampa

Mid month we had friends we knew in Colorado come from North Dakota to a nearby town, so of course we jumped at the opportunity to see and spend time with them. We enjoyed our day filled with exploring the Naval Museum, shopping, gabbing, and (my always favorite) eating. It always amazes me how at home we feel when someone comes to visit us in our new Florida environment. It’s comforting and familiar and often I crave it! Jered, Jaala, and sweet little AzjLynn gave us the gift of home during their visit.

pensacola

A few days after our day trip to Pensacola we celebrated Scott’s Golden Birthday! I’m ever thankful for the day he was born 24 years ago and I always make a much bigger deal of it than he would like. I just love birthdays and enjoy all the spoiling I’m able to pour out!

scottbday

This past Saturday we had the pleasure of attending an Air Force ball! One of the things every new military wife dreams of! The night was formal and everything I had hoped! I enjoyed dressing up and Scott enjoyed playing hours of video games as I prepped! (Haha.) We had a blast and will absolutely be going again next year!

afball

AF ball

This season is sweet and I hope it continues for awhile, but when the bitter taste of life strikes again I’ll continue to refine and build myself up into the woman God has set out for me to be!!

 

2 married years.

24 Jun

This weekend we celebrated our 2 year marriage anniversary!

I usually stand back amazed at how quickly time has flown but this anniversary I really felt that we lived the time. In many ways the last year was one of the most difficult we’ve had, but through it we grew. Growing is so essential as we go throughout the daily grind, if we’re not growing we’re wasting. I can say that we aren’t the people we were a year ago. I get sad saying that because I know I lost a lot of my naive thinking about the world and how I thought that life always turned into a fairy tale. It’s cliche to say “fairy tale” but I think in the back of our minds we all still really hope that it exists. Our love is the only thing that boarders on that dream but life gets in the way of getting through that one amazingly difficult trial and then everything is perfect. Life isn’t that way, it’s a series of one trouble or difficulty after another. If you’re lucky you’re given just as many blessings to break up the difficulty.

We are extremely blessed!! We live in a house we love, an area we love, have amazing friends here already, and we have wonderful friends and family who have always supported us back home. Don’t think I’m saying that our life isn’t wonderful by saying it’s challenging! I enjoy the challenge! I love being able to say “I survived this,” “I overcame that!” I feel pride looking back on the last 365 days! Conquering the distance that separated us the majority of this last year gives us the knowledge we need to survive this Air Force lifestyle. It was hard having to learn this reality right out the gate but in all honestly I think it gave us a foot up  because we know what to expect and gave us future confidence in thinking “we got this!!”

God has been the center of our marriage or believe me…we would have failed long ago! He gives us the encouragement we need to love and cherish each other. He guides us in our decisions and leads us away from anything that could be detrimental. The older I get the more I realize that I’m absolutely helpless and effect-less without my God! I always thought the older you got the better you became at handling yourself but that’s not at all true. I think we finally become humble and realize it’s OK to say “I have no idea what I’m doing! I need help!” I hate asking for help and maybe that’s why it’s taken me so long for this realization to hit me.

I’m thankful for this past year, not because it was butterflies, rainbows, and romance but because we truly LIVED! We went out on a ledge and had faith that God would catch us if we only let go! He caught us and blessed us with everything we need! We are content and excited beyond words for the new set of blessings God has for us this coming year! We already know it’s going to be the biggest of our lives! We must continue to trust in our Lord and know that our needs will be met!

“Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.” -Psalm 36:5 

anniversary

Home and opportunities.

21 May

Wow, another month is behind us! I can’t believe how quickly time keeps flying by!

The day after we were completely settled into our new home I had to start packing my suitcase again to go home to Colorado! (Boy, do I hate suitcase living!) I was excited to come see everyone but it was extremely hard to think of leaving so soon after getting here. We hadn’t even settled into a routine and here I was flying away again. I’ve come to have a love/hate relationship with travel, I love it once I get there but I always hate the leaving where I’m at part.
The trip home was wonderful but it came and went in a blink! I had every day packed full of something to do and yet I STILL didn’t fit everything and everyone in. I was able to see my brother graduate with his chemistry degree from School of Mines, which was the whole reason for my trip home. I wouldn’t have missed this huge day in his life for the world! I am so proud of him! He’s so determined and has a brain so intricate that mine is jealous! My brain would have exploded on the first day of classes if I tried down that route! [haha]

The biggest downside to being an Air Force spouse, that I’ve had to come to terms with, is that you’re always going to be missing someone! If you’re not with your husband you miss him. When you move across the country you miss your family and friends. It’s hard realizing that your life will never feel the wholeness that you had when everyone lived in the same town. I miss that feeling.

I got home on Sunday and I’m still pooped from traveling and activities in Junction. It always takes me a few days to get all caught up on sleep and be myself again. It’s good to be back though. It’s amazing how quickly Florida has come to feel like home! I can’t wait to finally have our routine worked out and be completely at ease here, but for now I’m content with our situation.

God opened an amazing opportunity to reach out to other Air Force girlfriends, fiances, and wives this week! I interviewed online to be an administrator of a sister page to a high trafficked Facebook page (with nearly 8,000 likes!) The original page is for all the branches combined and I interviewed for the Air Force specific page. The interview included an application and three days full of random essay questions. Everyone I talk to about it says this seems a little extreme over a Facebook page but the ladies who make these pages want to make sure they’re putting quality people in these admin positions who know what they’re doing and talking about. We have to make sure that crucial information of troop movement and other safety issues stay on wraps. As the admins of the page we’re responsible of keeping anything that may violate these rules off the page. It may all sound silly to you but I’m really proud that I was chosen as one of the 3 to run this page! I have been praying for something to come along that would give me the chance to reach out and encourage ladies in my same position. The page in 3 days of being up and running has already received almost 200 likes so our audience that we’re reaching will continue to grow! God is good and placed this right in my lap! I want to be an encouragement and a guiding light to women who feel as lost as I did going into this lifestyle. As a military wife you’re in constant fear of the unknown and if I can help at least one person feel a little less fearful and lift their spirits just an inch I’ll do it! So this is where I’ll be pouring out my energy and time.

Once again I’m blown away by God’s faithfulness and the blessings He gives us!

david grad

Floridians [but never fully!]

30 Apr

Well, we made it!!

I sit back in awe of this entire month! The first few days we were living in our apartment in Colorado and  at the end we are completely settled into our Florida home! How can so much squeeze into 3o days?! All I know is that my body is still not in the correct time zone and I’m thoroughly confused by the fact white sand beaches are just minutes from our house. When we first arrived I kept seeing the white sand dunes and thinking they were snow. You know you’re a Colorado girl when….[haha.]

So far we love it here! We enjoy spending every weekend at the beach and we are in total love with our house! Having so much room and spare room for that matter is not something we are used to. The dogs are in heaven just being with us and having a yard! I’d say we’re all settling in quite nicely!

Scott has returned to work and starts taking classes again for his job next month. Poor guy, he’s had so much training and must be impatient to see his hard work turn into the actual job. Scott’s always positive about it though! I think he’s just soaking in the fact that he no longer has to live in the dorms or eat the dorm cafeteria food,  I can’t say my cooking will be much better though. [haha]

I’ve spent my days organizing and finding a place for everything we own! It amazed us to see how much stuff we’ve accumulated in just less than 2 years of marriage. It was no easy task to get it organized and lucky for us we have a pretty decent sized attic for all our camping gear and other odds and ends we couldn’t seem to part with.

One thing that makes us laugh about our neighborhood is the oddity that there are bears roaming the neighborhood at times! Our trash can fell victim to a bear attack before we moved in, the whole thing was crashed apart! I laughed at the absurdity of bears when a lady told us about them, she then told me she was serious! Uh, I thought we moved away from the woods?! I never thought Florida looked like this, but in our part we have more woody areas vs the palm trees. It’s strange but we like it because it makes us feel closer to the home we grew up in.

So far, so good! We’ll enjoy living here but we will always miss our Colorado!

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Good riddance…

1 Mar

My mom has said that sometimes God allows things to go wrong before a big change as a way of making you ready to move on from the current stage you’re standing in. I can say that’s precisely what has happened over the past month! Everything I was holding a tight grasp on, in my life here in Junction, suddenly became a burden, an annoyance, or a hurt. I have complete closure and excitement to be moving on past this place.

I of course will miss my friends and family but all the other things that had their ties on me have been cut. They no longer have the strength to hold me here or the capacity to entrap my mind. I feel free, free to move and start this new adventure and free to enjoy the new blessings of this life!

Three weeks from today Scott will be home and we will be getting everything in order for our move to Florida.

No looking back, only forward!

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