Missing something.

21 Oct

Scott and I had an amazing trip home this month that made us want to move back immediately and now we’re kinda sitting in a low place not feeling real content with our current surroundings. We were alright until we were in Colorado and realized that we’re missing out. It’s going to be a very long time (if ever) until we feel as though Fort Walton Beach is home. It won’t ever hold for us the memories of our childhoods or the friends we made along the way, and mostly this place will never be filled with family just a minutes drive away. I hate that.

It’s maybe time to rethink our approach to settling in here. I find myself wondering if I’ve done all I can to make this our home.

I know I’ve put all I can into the house. It’s filled with all the things we’ve collected in our first 2  years of marriage, precious things that make my heart happy to look at, it’s us in every corner. It’s a home we built together even if this isn’t where we want to eventually end up. I’m proud of what we have done with this rental. Of course someday we want a house of our own, but it might not be in the cards while living this military lifestyle. I’m trying to accept that…really, really, really, trying!!

Our relationships here are wonderful! They’re the kind of friends you only hope to meet and I thank God everyday that we all got stationed in the same place. It’s easy to love them. You quickly bond over the fact that we’re all in the same boat and you know without a doubt that you need one another! They’re your family when family is thousands of miles away. You plan holidays together to soften the blow of knowing you won’t see the usual faces around your table. The support net of my friends has kept me going! During the dark months that came this year they carried me and held me close. They cut me slack when I couldn’t be a very good friend because I didn’t even have energy to leave the couch to attend a girl’s day. I’m thankful for the grace they showed me. Now that my health and emotional state is being better resolved I plan on paying them back in full with however much “Alyssa time” they can take. Once I get that in motion I feel as though we may settle in again better.

Church has been a blessing to us but it doesn’t feel like Calvary. We’ve been attending since April and STILL no one knows our names, we’re not used to that. We miss everyone knowing our history and knowing when we’re going through a tough time. I miss having people who want to pray for you and cry with you. If I were to pin point one thing we’re lacking right now…it’s this. We need our fellowship and it’s hard to connect in the few minutes before and after the service. Scott and I can be really shy at times and we’re pretty shy whenever we walk in those doors each week. We shut down and I can’t figure out why. We need to work on this.

Scott and I have come to a realization that from this point on in our lives we will always be missing someone. Right now it’s missing our Colorado friends and family. When/if we move back to Grand Junction we’ll be missing all of the people we’ve met here. I don’t like that. I wish I could just wrap everyone up together and have it all. One can dream right?!




2 Responses to “Missing something.”

  1. Trish October 21, 2013 at 3:51 pm #

    We miss you, too! It was so great to see you both at the wedding and spend a little time with you. We are always glad to have our “kids” around and we are always so glad to see you and spend time with you, even if it is just a few minutes here and there.

  2. Ann Maloney November 5, 2013 at 5:59 pm #

    Alyssa, great blog! The Lord watch between thee and me when we are absent one from another!! With Jesus between us, we are never apart!! love, in Christ Jesus, Mom

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