57 letters later.

29 Jul

We’re almost at the end!!! Some moments have blown on by and others have been the slowest of my life. All I can really say is, I’m glad to be on this end of it!

By the time I jump on a plane I will have written 57 letters. Jeeze, so many days and memories my husband couldn’t be part of. I can’t wait for the new memories that will make up our lifetime together. The strength we have acquired through this tough time will give us the tools and courage to conquer all the difficulties this lifestyle will bring. I have been saying that it’s kind of  like a boot camp for wives too. We have to learn to get all the usual things around the house done that a husband does. Since Scott has been gone I’ve done every man-like chore you can think of. I didn’t think I would ever be able to figure out some of the things Scott does for me. I’m pretty proud of myself though! I still would much rather have a husband to deal with the cars and trash but I know that in his absence I can handle it. Freeing and exhilarating at the same time.

The last two months of my life have been filled with so many tears that I think I could fill a whole bathtub, two times over. I’m thankful that this stage is over! Although we still won’t be living in the same home, we will have so much more communication! I can’t wait to be able to send him a text again. (Not that I didn’t try. 10 text messages have been sent to his turned off phone. Habits are hard to break.) The simple things I miss the most. I want to go grocery shopping with him again. Spend Thursdays cleaning our apartment. Watch the rain fall. The things that make up a normal day are taken for granted until you do them without the one that made them special in the first place. I miss the normality of having Scott home. I constantly feel like I’m out of my element. I never understood fully what it meant to be “one” until I was missing my other half. It always feels like you have a giant hole in your life. You always wake up feeling like you’re forgetting something, like something is missing and the feeling never fades. The hurt is deep but it’s so very fully worth it!

As I start packing my bags to fly out Wednesday I feel giddy! It feels like a first date. I get those little butterflies flying around in my core. I imagine the moment I first see him. What I should wear. How I should act. Every stupid thought our minds take when we over think a situation. I’ve been living for this moment. Focusing on it to just make it through. I want every outfit to be perfect and to look my very best! I’ve been working out like a crazy lady just hoping to tone those areas that drive a woman mad! I want his jaw to drop and to realize what he’s been missing. My mom made the point that I could probably gain 400 pounds and he would still be excited to see me. This is true because I have a loving husband who thinks the world of me, BUT it was more of a goal I set for myself! I have started seeing improvements making the work outs seem like it’s worth the sweat and time. Thank goodness. I just want to be at my best.

The second I see him will be very similar to our wedding day, walking down the isle. With every step you think of all the struggles and joys that brought you to this very moment! It will be emotional and the tears will come flooding out. (Reminds me, I need to pack tissue. ;]) I can’t wait to see him in the uniform that he’s told me he so proudly wears. I can’t wait to see that smile he saves just for me. The feeling of his arms around me. ALL OF IT! I have been striving to look forward to this day. A day that is now only 4 days away! I hope the last days fly by and the moments we share in San Antonio drag on! I also pray that we remember these feelings and never forget how desperately we love and need each other.

Our God is good and He brought us over another mountain!!!!

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One Response to “57 letters later.”

  1. Ann Maloney July 30, 2012 at 5:11 pm #

    Alyssa, we’re so very proud of you!! Words cannot fully express!! We are also proud of your precious husband for signing up to serve our country, the best country in the world, our United States of America!! Thank you BOTH for serving! Mom

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