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Goodbye, 27.

30 Jan

Earlier this month I had my last day as a 27 year old. I spent that final day reflecting on the past year of my life. It wasn’t really a happy remembrance.

On the day I turned 27 I deactivated my Facebook account, because I didn’t want any birthday wishes. I just couldn’t handle the idea of everyone celebrating my birthday so close to my Dad’s passing. I knew it would be a hard year, and not one of those days would my Dad be a part of. It was just too much. I decided to pretend that it was just a regular day and continue on.

The rest of the year went pretty much as I had imagined. So many tears. So much time spent staring into space. A lot of denial went into this year. I spent more time, than I ever have, learning about myself. What exactly makes me tick? What sets me off in a positive or negative way? I didn’t necessarily always like the person I was learning about. I found my flaws more frequently than I found my beauty. I would then be surprised to find strength in an area I felt I was weak. It was shocking to realize I wasn’t who I thought I was anymore. I had changed.

Once I had a grasp of who I was, I finally felt ready to start the growth. I can say this year really grew me up. I had to face some difficult things and I had to push through until I had overcome them. I feel stronger now and better. I feel closer to whole.

Not all of this year was hard. Not all of 27 was sad. I made some wonderful memories with people who mean so much to me. I started a new business. We tried boating for the first time and it became our new obsession. I spent my time really soaking in the everyday moments with my son. We found out we will be expecting a new baby, and new life brings joy like nothing else can. I guess that right there sums up my year. Where there is death there is opportunity for new life to come forth. My life seems to always follow the theme of “beauty from ashes” and this year was no exception.

Goodbye to the year of ashes. Hello 28-a year of beauty and new life!

But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships,in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. -2 Corinthians 12:9-10

 

Girl.

31 Dec

The biggest highlight of this month was going to find out the gender of our sweet new baby! This ultrasound appointment is always the one I’m most excited for, because you’ll walk away knowing a huge piece of who your little one is going to be. You can go off of old wives tales all day long, but nothing can prove the gender until you get that confirmation from the ultrasound tech.

Scott and I have always prayed for God’s will in placing the right children into our family, so we never had fear of what gender we would be getting. We knew that whatever God had in-store for us was the very best! Even still, you have a gut feeling as a Mommy of what you think the baby will be and you get a little pouty when other’s opinions contradict that. It’s not that you’re frustrated with people, because you know they’re simply just taking a guess, but when you feel something soooo deeply down in your heart it’s hard to have others disagree with it. I at first thought this baby was a boy because my sickness and other symptoms mirrored my pregnancy with Royal so closely, but once we had our first ultrasound and I saw this little baby’s personality on the screen I just knew she was a girl. Baby was so calm and mellow during the ultrasound. I don’t know why but her very actions screamed “little girl” to me. I was the same way with Royal. I had no idea what gender he was until our 10 week appointment when I saw him on the screen and from the way he jumped around like a little wild monster I just knew he was a boy. Those first ultrasounds, with both of my children, solidified their genders for me.

The week leading up to the gender ultrasound I could hardly sleep at all. I would wake up at, or before, 4 am and not be able to fall asleep again until around 8. I was just so anxious to know! I am such a planner and not knowing an important detail eats at me. I was ready to know if we would be buying a crib to fit into Royal’s room or if we’d be changing our guest room into a nursery. I also knew with a girl we would need to do some shopping. If we were pregnant with another boy we would literally not need to purchase one thing because I kept EVERYTHING from having Royal. With a girl we wouldn’t need to buy the essentials, because we purchased gender neutral big items, but we would want to buy small things specifically for her. Really, most importantly we would need some PINK and SPARKLES. I think all the planning without an actual direction was keeping me up at night.

The morning of the appointment I drank my 16 ounces of water and jumped into the car. I nervously non-stop chattered to my mom the whole way there. (When I get nervous I talk….way too much.) Finally we arrived but we then had to wait for the couple in front of us to finish up. I almost screamed “HURRY UP” I was so impatient. When it was eventually our turn I expected Baby to give us a little trouble with seeing gender, because with Royal he was shy and I had to turn from one side to another over and over until he finally uncrossed his legs. Much to Scott’s dismay this baby was all too happy to show us and within 5 minutes we heard “Ready everyone?! Here are sister parts!” A GIRL!!! Scott teared up and I smiled my biggest smile. Royal is having a baby sister!fullsizerender-5I couldn’t think of a better fit for our family. I imagine Royal being a protective and sweet older brother. I picture Scott being wrapped ever so tightly around her little fingers and never allowing her to date. He’s always dreamed of torturing her future boyfriends and with her lack of being “shy” he may need to start cleaning those guns early. (Haha.) I for one can not wait to share girly things with her, while still showing her the fun in being nerdy and enjoying the outdoors. I pray she always has a joy for adventure and isn’t afraid to get her hands dirty. I also can’t wait to have a close friendship with her, like I have with my mom. Although I’m nervous for the middle and high school years, there’s nothing quite like that friendship that comes at the end of your teens when you realize that your mom maybe isn’t so clueless after all. I get to have that, along with every other precious memory we’ll make together. I’m so incredibly excited to meet her and to have her share in our family!img_6211And just like my post when we discovered Royal’s gender…

“Now comes the hard part…finding a name…

Wish us luck!!”

xoxoimg_6368

Baby #2.

30 Nov

I’m still in disbelief that God has blessed us with another baby on the way! What a perfectly timed blessing in our lives. God knew we needed something new and shiny to bring us joy during this difficult year of grieving.

When something so tragic and unexpected happens you feel as though happy things will never be able to happen again. You’re sure nothing will ever make your heart leap for joy and that you’re destined to always live in a state of gloom. God thankfully proves us wrong. He heals our hearts and then sends His blessings down, as a reminder that He is a God of goodness and faithfulness. I for one desperately needed this reminder.

I still have had a hard time completely accepting the joy of this baby. You almost doubt that something will even turn out right after a hard year. It wasn’t until I hit the 12th week of this pregnancy that I allowed myself to be happy. I was just so scared that we might lose the baby and have yet another set of grief to deal with. I think too that once you’ve had one miscarriage it takes away your ability to convince yourself that “it won’t happen to me” and you worry that it will again. I still worry a bit, but it’s more in the back of my mind and I’m praying for God to quiet my anxious heart. I just love and want this baby so badly and it terrified me to think of losing it.

I’m so very thankful for this sweet blessing and I can’t wait to see what our new life as a family of 4 looks like. Royal is so excited for the new addition. Royal’s constantly asking if he can “cuddle the baby” and he crawls up and lays on my stomach. It melts my heart. It’s funny to me that he can have an understanding of what’s happening even when we haven’t spent much time explaining it to him. It’s going to turn his little life upside down, but I truly believe he’s going to be a wonderful big brother and so very helpful with the new baby.

I wish more than anything that my Dad was here to share in this happiness with us because I know he’d be crying tears of joy and be cheering us on every step of the way, but I know that he’s celebrating in Heaven and he’s probably dancing a happy dance for his new grand-baby.

From tragedy comes triumph. From death comes new life.
We are blessed.

“To console those who mourn,
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of joy instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.”
-Isaiah 61:3a

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PRK.

31 May

Last week we traveled to Biloxi Mississippi for Scott to have PRK (corrective eye surgery.) He chose to have it done at Keesler AFB because it was only 2.5 hours from our home, and they are the best military base that offers the surgery. The drive was easy so we took off early Monday morning so that he could make it to his 9 am appointment. He received his final approval so we checked into the Fisher House, which is a by donation charity that offers a place for military to stay while their family member receives medical treatment. It was such a blessing to stay at such a comfortable place while we were away from home. They had volunteers come in, most nights, and cook meals for us too. I didn’t realize that places like this existed but everyone there was so sweet to us and it made a world of difference with our almost two year old running a muck.

royalwalking

Royal still wasn’t a huge fan of being cooped up all day so we spent the days going to the park, playing at the splash pad on base, and we even took him bowling for his first time. It was hard at nights sharing one room though, and Scott and I had to go to sleep when Royal did otherwise he’d stay up with us. He’s so active and observant that he wants to always be doing what we’re doing, so the one room arrangement was a little more than trying at times.

Scott had the surgery on Wednesday and within 30 minutes he was all done and I was able to pick him up. He built it up much scarier in his head than it actually ended up being. He couldn’t believe how easy it was. Everything went great! He had to have a follow up appointment the next morning but Scott asked, because of the 4 day weekend approaching, if we could travel home as we only lived 2.5 hours away. The doctor said that was absolutely fine as long as his eyes looked like they were progressing well the next morning. Luckily his first follow-up went great!! He was seeing 20/15 which were the best results the doctor had seen all day. Scott was excited about his eyes and Royal and I were excited to be going home!

 

The first few days of recovery were almost pain free for Scott but Saturday and Sunday he woke up in some pretty intense pain and had to turn to his pain meds. The meds easily managed the pain and Scott still continues to rave about how worth it this surgery is to him. We traveled back to Mississippi last night because Scott had his final appointment this morning. His left eye continues to see 20/15 and his right is pretty blurry but should clear up in the next day or so. The doc cleared him to go back to work and, best of all, to drive again. We’re so thankful that the surgery went flawlessly and that Scott was able to mostly recover here at home instead of us staying over a week in a hotel.


Life continues to be so busy but it keeps my mind occupied and my heart looking forward. It seems like I have more good days than bad these days, and that feels like a miracle!

 

 

 

 

 

Sick boy.

28 Apr

Man, I don’t think there is anything more heartbreaking than having a sick baby. Royal has had his fair share of colds in his little lifetime but he’s never had such a bad fever. He woke up Tuesday morning with a 100 degree fever and it has only gone up from there. He hit a high of 103.3 during Tuesday night. Poor fellow. FullSizeRenderMy son is not one to enjoy cuddling but the past three days it’s all he’s wanted. I’ve always wished that he would cuddle me more, but now I’d be more than happy to trade the cuddles for my little boy to be full of energy and wiggles again. We’ve been spending the sick days lounging on the couch watching Winnie the Pooh, and Royal will doze off as he gets tired. He won’t let you out of his sight and he wants to be carried everywhere, so we’re all pretty much prisoners to this sickness. It’s just so sad to see how subdued Royal is in comparison to his usual independent personality.FullSizeRender (1)I wish there was some way to fix him more quickly. I hate not having the ability to take it from him. I know he’ll be better soon but I’m impatient. I can’t wait for this sickness to get the heck out of my Royal so that he can go back to being the force that destroys the house again. I miss my little tornado!

 

My Calendar Boys.

9 Oct

It’s International Babywearing week so I decided it was a fun week to share this story with you all. xoxo

In July I entered a picture of Scott and Royal into “The Studs of Abby’s Lane” calendar contest. Abby’s Lane is putting together a calendar of men babywearing their littles, with the procedes going to charity. I didn’t think much of it at the time, I just knew I loved the picture of my guys together and wanted to share it on the page. I didn’t expect it to make it into any of the voting rounds but still wanted to participate in the fun.

A few months later and over 800 entries later the page announced the top 40. I was shocked to see our picture among the others!! When Scott called that day, from Afghanistan, I told him all about entering him and that he had been chosen as one of the top 40. I was expecting “Babe…why did you enter me in that?!” instead I got “WHAT?!?! That’s awesome! Really? They chose me?!” I loved how excited he was! He then wanted to know all the details. I told him that the voting to get the top 24 would go for a week and at the end of that week the final round of voting would take place which would  determine the 12 final winners that would be in the calendar and win a free baby carrier. He was stoked!! (He’s so cute.)FullSizeRender (2)The first voting week went by and towards the end I knew that he would stay within the top 24 as he never moved below the 11th position in the contest. I was still amazed that others found this picture as adorable as I do seeing I know I’m a little biased. (Haha.)

Scott then moved into the final voting round and this is where the nail biting ensued!! We were so close and I knew how much it would mean to Scott so I really REALLY wanted this win for him. It was such a close competition and in the end Scott would make it with a lot of votes to spare!

WOOHOO!!! Calendar here we come!

114 I’m so excited and proud!!! I love this picture of my man proudly standing in his Air Force uniform and my little man supporting his daddy in a matching flight suit and aviator hat! Scott is also wearing our “First Flight” Tula, which means so much to us to have won the right to buy it from this very same shop! It was a hard one to acquire so I’m thrilled to own it and also to now have it be a part of winning this fun contest! Everything about this picture is perfection to me! Makes me smile everytime I see it! It’s been the background of my phone since I took this picture and after this contest has even more meaning to me.

What a fun experience! I can’t wait to purchase our calendar and to display it in our home! I’m most excited to find out what month Scott will be so I can call him “Mr. ______” for the rest of eternity! He’s gonna hate it!!! (Mwahaha!)

I’ll be sure to pass on the purchasing information once it becomes available in case any of you would also like to have Scott hanging on your wall! ;)

xoxo119

 

Chicago.

29 Sep

If these deployments have taught me one thing it’s that busy is your very best friend!

I’ve had one big thing to look forward to every month, and that works as my light at the end of the tunnel. As long as I have something to work towards then it breaks up the full length of the deployment. If you’re only focusing on the end then it seems impossible and you easily get discouraged and depressed. When there is something each month then you’re only allowed to get sad for a little while because you know something fun is right around the corner.

This month’s fun activity was a trip to Chicago to see my brother and his wife. Our buddy River was making a trip to that area to see his family so I asked if I could tag along. He was happy to have company during the drive so he said yes! Our friends Tonni and Michael volunteered to watch Clover (our dog) while we were gone, so with that final detail figured out we were able to go. I’m so thankful for our wonderful friends here in Florida. We have such a close community that has helped us through this deployment.211209I was really excited for this trip because I had thought that we wouldn’t see David and Rachel this year, because we’re not going home for the holidays. Although it was a long 15 hour drive, and we pulled an all nighter so that Royal could sleep the whole way, it was completely worth it. We did some site seeing but the only two things I really had on my list of MUSTS was that I wanted to try Chicago style pizza and a Chicago Dog. (Of course my priorities involved food. I.love.food.)192189197204205217218I enjoyed the pizza but it isn’t my favorite style. I have completely converted to the Chicago dog club though! I have never tasted such a delicious hot dog in my life! I now have some intense cravings going on for these things. Royal enjoyed the food as well! He had his first taste of pizza and ate an entire hot dog! I can’t believe he’s able to eat these things much less have the appetite to demolish them.269272314316315The best part of the trip was definitely when Royal started walking! He had been taking 3 steps in a row for a couple months now but never anything more. On the 16th something clicked though and he took off! I was cheering like the biggest dork, because I was so excited, and Royal had the most proud look on his face. I love these milestones but they remind me that my baby is escaping me. He did this after eating a chocolate bar he found on the couch! (haha.)

260We also had the pleasure of celebrating David’s 25th birthday with him. That was the night we went out for Chicago style pizza. I hate always missing each other’s birthdays so it was nice to finally be there for one with him.274I was so thankful to have the adult company of David and Rachel as I’m now used to being home in an empty house with just Royal and Clover since Scott deployed. You miss the simple things of having a meal together, going to the park, and watching Netflix with someone else. I most enjoyed these lazy moments during the trip. I love these two and was dreading the time ending.243225304311The visit somehow flew by and River was there picking us up from my brother’s apartment. We then spent the night with River’s family, 4 hours away, to break up the length of the trip and had an amazing visit with them. It was the perfect end cap to our trip. I love families that take you in and treat you like you belong right off the bat. River’s family is just like that. I so appreciated them opening their home to us and loving on my little fellow.181Then came the 12 hour all nighter back home!! BLEH!!!!! I’ll be happy if I never have to road trip again in my life. I’m completely kidding but I’m thankful for a break. Now I’m nursing a cold and we’re trying to settle back into our daily routine here in Florida. Royal is happy to be home and enjoys practicing his new walking skills around the house.

I just need to find the next big thing to focus on for next month!

The love and prayers mean so much to us during these deployments, so thank you all for them! xoxo203

First Birthday.

12 Aug

I first of all can’t even deal with the fact that I now have a one year old!! What a year! It’s been wonderful but such a blur!! I’m really at a loss for words and the emotional aspect chokes me up so I’m just going to write about his wonderful birthday experiences instead of blubbering on about how my baby is no longer a baby! (Haha.)055We found out a few months ago that Scott would be deploying right before Royal’s first birthday, so we decided to fly home to Colorado for a big party with all the grandparents, friends, and family who live there. It was our way of making up for the fact that Scott would be missing the end cap of Royal’s first year.113I’ve always loved the “Hungry Caterpillar” and have read the book to Royal on numerous occasions, so I set that as the theme of his party. I had a blast finding cute things on Etsy and crafting the rest myself. My friend Danielle was such a help with decorating as well, and did a wonderful “First Birthday Board” for me. I had so much help with this party that I felt overwhelmed by all the love!!090It was raining on the day of the party but thankfully the rain passed just in time! Sadly, in place of the rain came such strong wind! We never have days like that but of course it had to be windy!! I’m not going to lie to you and say that I stayed calm and collected when the wind started foiling literally every plan I had for decorating. I was getting more and more frustrated as each thing I placed went flying across the park! I was barely holding it together when suddenly all the plates went soaring!! I lost it…I sat down on the bench near me and cried. I had such vision for this party and I wanted it to be perfect for my boy. After a good pep talk and a good hug from Danielle I was ready to take on this party again. I reminded myself that it wasn’t about the decorations, Royal wouldn’t even notice them or remember them! It was about the cake smashing and everyone celebrating his first year!080099095Finally everything got put together!! (In other words we taped everything down so it couldn’t move!!) Just as the last details were being finished people started showing up! It was so great to see everyone! We feel so very blessed to have all the friends that we do! It made me realize just how much I miss our little Junction community. Hopefully someday it will be home to us again.109104115My dad said a sweet prayer over Royal and then everyone started eating and visiting. Royal was happy to sit near whoever would feed him watermelon or goldfish. He was in such a “mommy phase” at the point of the party that I was truly worried that he wouldn’t let me put him down the whole time, but as long as he stayed distracted he was a social butterfly!094098097096092073Then came time for the cake!! He wasn’t so sure about it at first but once he got a taste of that icing he was hooked!! He was so gentle as he ate the cake. I expected him to rip right through it but as always…he surprised me. I finally had to smash his hand through the center just so he could get the full experience. He wasn’t a fan of the cake but the icing kept him eating! It was such a sweet moment for us as a family watching our guy eat his cake and listening to our close friends sing him Happy Birthday! I will always hold that memory close to my heart.119 124 149 royal bday 004

He loved opening his presents too! At one point I took a pause in helping him open them and he started signing “more”! He cracks me up. He quite enjoyed the whole experience of birthdays!130 136A few days before his actual birthday we went to have his cake-smash shoot! I’ve been looking forward to this shoot since his newborn pictures! It just looked like such a blast and the pictures are always so fun!! Tiffany has been taking Royal’s pictures since he was 2 weeks old so we were very excited for her to take these milestone photos for him! She’s so wonderful with Royal and I love visiting with her! Royal made us WORK for those shots though! He was more enjoying to explore the studio than to eat cake, but we just kept putting him back and finally he took a taste of that icing and he was all about it! Again, I had to smash his hand through it because he was being so gentle. He’s so funny. As always the pictures turned out spectacular!!00710431517_846714245425175_8593692023883860364_n 11703197_846716722091594_6103647146563320174_nOn Royal’s real day of birth, July 31st, I woke him up singing “Happy Birthday” and we immediately opened a few of his presents and played with them until nap-time. When he got up from his nap we watched “The Jungle Book” (his first Disney movie experience) and opened the next round of presents and played with them until we left the house to meet up with friends for frozen yogurt. Royal loves ice cream and frozen yogurt was an immediate love! I couldn’t spoon it in fast enough! He was spoiled by lots of love from our lovely friends and even got a few more presents! After yogurt I got Jimmy John’s for dinner (out of remembrance for the first meal I ate after labor) then we spent a quiet evening at home enjoying all of his new toys and I flipped through the pictures I’d taken over the last year. It was a sweet day made even sweeter by a Skype date with Scott.042 (2) 044 050 053 063 066 067059So there you have it! Royal’s birthday that kept on giving!

Thank you to everyone who helped us celebrate!!

We love you all!

9 months.

12 May

Royal 9 month

How do I have a 9 month old?!

Everyday I’m amazed by all the new things Royal’s doing. He’s been crawling for over a month now and he’s already climbing bookcases and cruising around furniture. I don’t know where my little newborn has gone but this new baby is into EVERYTHING! I love it though. It’s so fun to see him constantly learning about the world around him even if it means destroying my cute always organized house.

I’m quite OCD when it comes to my home. I hate untidiness and clutter. I have to constantly remind myself that it’s alright that there are toys scattered and things pulled off every shelf and low table. Mess making is part of the growing up process but when nap time hits I scurry around and get the house organized. It stays that way for about 0.5 seconds, once the baby wakes up, but that’s alright. This is my own slice of chaotic heaven.

royal09month

Royal also said his first word last month! Appropriately his first word was “Mama”. He says it every time he wants me to pick him up, wants me to feed him, or if he’s upset and wants comforting. I don’t think there’s ever been a word that has brought so much joy to me. My heart flutters every time his cute little self says it. I melt! He says “dada” but he hasn’t quite figured out how to connect it to Scott. I’m sure that’s next!

Today he started clapping his hands! It’s adorable and his face lights up in the cutest way every time we clap back at him. He’s my joy.

It’s amazing how every milestone both makes me proud and breaks my heart! I can’t believe how quickly this time is flying by. Everyone warned me but I don’t think there’s any way to prepare yourself. I’ll just have to continue to soak in every day with my sweet boy and enjoy every precious mess he makes!

royal9month•Images by Olive Gray Photography•

 

Nothing.

10 Apr

In a life of so many constant changes it’s amazing how wonderful it feels to have nothing new to report.

Really the last month has just been the regular ins and outs of daily life. No crazy surprises just the same ol’ same ol’. I love it.

I’ve just needed the space to breathe. There is so much uncertainty and loneliness that comes with deployments that it’s like a vacation for my heart to be at home with my husband, son, and dog. I think we’ve all needed a little “nothing” in our lives.

I finally have had the emotional capacity to get back to being involved in church, and have volunteered to spend Sundays in the nursery. I’ve been feeling God’s calling to this for the last year but haven’t had the strength to jump in. I hate when you ignore God’s voice and you feel so much guilt every time you’re reminded of where you need to be. I’m excited to do it and it’s fun to see Royal interact with all the other babies. He’s the only boy but I guess that means good odds in the future. (Haha.)

I know the next few months are going to fly by, as another deployment approaches and the summer calendar begins to fill up, but I’m praying we’ll continue to have some time to sit, relax, and just soak in the time we’re together.

View More: http://jamidavisphotography.pass.us/dearborn•Jami Davis Photography and Films•

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