Beautiful things.

15 Nov

When I come into a hard time in my life there is always a quote, verse, or song that stands out to me and then suddenly it becomes my mantra. I think it’s important to hold onto something solid and true when the world around you is spinning out of control. You need a constant thing that stays the same to encourage you when breaking seems like the next step.

In this season of my life the song above, “Beautiful Things” by Gungor, has been that said mantra. It has spoken into my life that God is making something beautiful out of all this. I need that reminder especially when everything around us seems dirty, ugly, and broken. Knowing that God is working something beautiful from these ashes of our life makes my heart joyful.

When I heard this song for the first time at church months ago it was only a week after the miscarriage. I was absolutely 100% at my lowest. I was so angry! Angry at God for letting this happen to us and angry that I had to stay living in a world where such heartbreak resides. I couldn’t find my place and I honestly didn’t care to know where that place even was, I was content to just float. In the midst of my anger, standing with everyone during the worship service, this song was played and immediately tears came running down my face. The words spoke the truth I needed to hear. My hands flew up and I wept to God silently, letting the emotions and words my heart couldn’t speak out of my body and lifting them high to my Heavenly Father!

Every Sunday I would walk into church still just angry as the week before but God continued to put this song in the worship lineup until finally my silly self realized He was trying to comfort me and I was the one shutting Him out. After the service I downloaded the song off of iTunes and I began playing it whenever a hint of doubt in my loving Savior would arise. Whenever my heart would ache for the baby I would never hold, I played it. When I couldn’t get myself to face the day I would put it on repeat until my feet would touch the bedroom floor. God is wonderful and He used this as the gateway to encourage me, knowing that music is one of the most powerful influences on my life. God loved me enough to find the perfect instrument! He came to me and didn’t wait for me to come back around to Him. I think that is just too cool! What an amazing God we serve!

It has now been a little over 4 months since the terrible day that will forever be etched on my heart but God has carried me through. I had a tearful breakdown again last night, mourning our baby who will never be, and I don’t think I’ve cried the last of my tears over it but that’s OK! I can now see hope springing up from this old ground and the beautiful things coming from dust! Boy, it feels good to be standing here in the exact place God brought us to.

I’m so hopeful of what is to come, and even though we’re not completely whole again, God is continually clearing the way for all the beauty our lives are to hold! This song no longer fills my eyes with broken and beaten tears, but with tears of joy I’m able to smile and know that God is making me new!!

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3 Responses to “Beautiful things.”

  1. Dani November 15, 2013 at 6:09 pm #

    He is!

    Blessings to you…

  2. Ann Maloney November 16, 2013 at 12:56 pm #

    Alyssa, this is beautiful! I am so glad that you can put into words, your experience, grief and ongoing healing!! I am proud of your facing these hard things and turning to Jesus for
    your healing and strength!! Beauty for Ashes, my darling, wise daughter! love, in Christ Jesus, Mom

  3. jeffnjme2008 November 24, 2013 at 4:34 pm #

    Alyssa!!! I am so sorry, I didn’t even know you had a miscarriage, My heart mourns for you and Scott. I pray for continued healing, peace and understanding, Love you girl!!

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