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Deployment Christmas

10 Dec

 

Christmas is my absolute favorite time of year. I enjoy everything about the season. Most years I can’t even contain my excitement! The tree flies up the day after Thanksgiving and the music is constantly on. I live and breathe Christmas!

This year though…I’m finding it almost painful to hear a single song. I haven’t even been pestering my parents to put up the tree. I’m having a real difficult time “getting into the spirit”. I think part of it is the fact that I’m not at my own home, because Royal and I are staying with my parents during the deployment, but the main reason is that Scott isn’t here.

Every joyful part of this holiday is about being with those you love and sharing in traditions. Since I was 16 Scott has always been a huge part of those traditions and the love I feel during Christmas. It doesn’t feel right decorating a tree or looking at lights without him here.

Of course I am LOVING that I get to share this holiday with my son! I can’t believe I finally have a child of my own to share the magic with, but then in the back of my mind I can’t shake the realization that Scott is missing out on this too. Gives you a guilty feeling knowing you are getting to soak it all in while he’s in a far off country far from family and close friends. I’m so proud of my husband and I’m amazed by the strength he has.

I know that he wants me to enjoy the season but it’s more than hard without him here!

I’m praying that as Christmas gets closer I will get more excited, but until then I’m focusing on the things I am excited for! I can’t wait for Royal to see his first Christmas tree and to see the wonder on his face when he gets to eat all the wrapping paper. I loved taking him to see Santa. Even though I never had Santa growing up it was fun to take Royal, in honor of Scott, and to send the pictures to Scott in Afghanistan. His Daddy got a kick out of them and I know it helped him feel a bit more at home. Royal loved seeing Santa and amazingly resisted the urge to pull his beard. (Haha.)

I’m going to do my best to focus on the good and on the whole reason for this season which is Christ being born! Thank you God for sending your son!

Merry Christmas everyone!!

santa

 

 

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Transition.

23 Oct

I can’t even begin to express how strange these last few months have felt. We went from almost getting used to being new parents, and having our system down, to Scott leaving for his deployment and adjusting to doing it all on my own. AHHH! It’s almost too much change at once. I say almost but it absolutely is TOO MUCH!

I miss Scott so horribly much but I know the pain of having him gone. I know what to expect being away from him. What is breaking me now is the realization that Royal is missing out on having his daddy, and Scott is missing out on time with his son. Anytime we get to Skype, Scott gets sad seeing all the changes Royal is making and it’s only been a month. This is going to be much more difficult than we could have ever expected or prepared for.

The morning Scott left for the airport he just sat on the bed with Royal resting on his legs crying while Royal smiled at him trying to cheer him up. That is one heartbreaking scene that I will probably never forget as long as I live. The relationship they share is so precious and I hate that they’re missing out on time together.

Royal has had difficulty eating lately and it started right after Scott left. He misses Scott even though his little baby self doesn’t really understand the emotions he’s experiencing. When I put Scott on speaker-phone Royal turns towards his voice, it’s so sweet but also so sad. I wish we could jump on a flight and go visit for a weekend. Eh, maybe instead Scott could come here. (Haha.)

With most things time softens the blow, but I know with this it’s just going to get worse until Scott is home with us again. I’m extremely thankful to be home in Colorado during the holiday months, and to be surrounded by family and friends who keep us busy and help keep my mind off things. My prayer is that these 4 months fly by and that God continues to protect our hero while he’s away.

“May the Lord watch between you and me when we are absent one from another.” -Genesis 31:49b

Nicole Jade - Royal 028

Royal’s birth story.

18 Aug

**If you don’t want to hear ALL about a baby being born please stop reading.**

IMG_7401copyI woke up at 5 am to my water breaking on July 31st, 2014. I didn’t want to alarm Scott as he was sound asleep but he started to stir, looked at his phone, and realized he had overslept for his early morning shift. He of course startled awake and about jumped out of bed but I told him to hold tight for a second because I was pretty sure my water just broke. I felt another gush and that confirmed it. It was such a God thing that he overslept as he would have already been at work and I would have had to call and wait for him to get home.

I then called labor and delivery and they told me to take my time coming in. The nurse told me to enjoy a shower and to get a good breakfast in because they wouldn’t let me eat once I got there. I felt completely normal at that point but at 6:30 my contractions kicked it into high gear and I told Scott and my parents it was time to get moving.

IMG_7309copyI was shocked at how painful my contractions were. I became speechless, as I usually do with intense pain, but as the pain intensified I started almost screaming. I’ve never known a pain like that before. They told me that Royal was positioned against my spine and that’s why it was THAT bad. Back labor is no joke, you wouldn’t wish it on your worst enemy. Ouch.

I continued in that same pain for a few hours but each time they checked I was still only dilated to a 2. The staff then strongly recommended that I get an epidural because my body was so tensed up from my pain that it put my dilating at a standstill. They thought that if I had an epidural it would relax me enough so my body could do what it needed to do. They were right. The minute I got the epidural I felt like a whole new woman. I was completely relieved of my pain. Phew. It was such a nice break. I had control of how much of the medicine I was getting, so I was able to keep feeling in my legs which was important to me as I wanted to be able to push fully when the time came. I would strongly recommend an epidural if you get to the place I was at with pain. There is no way I could have continued that way for over 12 hours.

IMG_7377copyA half hour after I got the epidural they checked me again and I had progressed to a 4. They then decided that they wanted to speed up the process and gave me pitocin in my IV drip. My parents had just gone down to the cafeteria when my midwife and nurse came running into the room and started flipping me onto my left side. They were really quiet but they had concern written  all over their faces. I couldn’t figure out what was going on until they then tried flipping me onto my right and I could see the Baby’s heart rate monitor. Royal had been staying between 140-150 bpm during my pregnancy and labor but when I now looked he was at 70 bpm! I started to panic. They then gave me oxygen and kept moving me trying to give Royal some relief. My midwife asked another nurse to get the doctor and it became apparent to me that I was about to get a cesarean section. FINALLY his heart rate started coming back up after they had me about on my head and rolled completely onto my left side. PRAISE GOD! I have never been more terrified in my entire life. I am so thankful that the staff was fast acting and were able to help my boy and also save me from a c-section.

IMG_7381copyApparently Royal had a negative reaction to the pitocin and that’s what caused the severe drop in his heart rate. After the pitocin was stopped my body took over and within an hour and a half I went from a 4 to a 10 and they told me it was time to push! AH! I couldn’t believe how quickly it went and I honestly didn’t feel mentally ready to start pushing. My nurse cleared the room of everyone but my mom and Scott, and began preparation for delivery. My epidural chose this moment to stop working. Yay! *rolls eyes* Natural childbirth time!

I started pushing at around 3:30 and was making really great progress until Baby’s head didn’t want to come the last part of the way. Once it was clear he wasn’t going to budge they attached the vacuum to his head and when my next contraction came I pushed and my midwife pulled….nothing. He wouldn’t come. I took my deep breathe and pushed again…the vacuum then snapped off his head. It was then decided that I would be getting an episiotomy. I was nervous about it, but at this point in labor, I was ready to be done and would have done just about anything to get my boy here! With that…he arrived!

IMG_7320copyRoyal Matthew was born at 4:53 pm and was immediately placed on my chest. My mom later told me that my face went from a look of pain and exhaustion to one of complete love and joy at my first sight of him. I’ve been made a believer of  “love at first sight.” I looked over at Scott and I could see how in love he was with our baby and was touched as his tears flowed freely down his cheeks. The proud daddy did the honors of cutting the umbilical cord and with that we were separate.

I was in awe at Royal’s beauty and also at how big he was! All the doctors had been telling me what a tiny baby I would be getting, and here I was holding a 7lb 6oz 20inch boy! I couldn’t believe that all of him fit in my belly! All that mattered to me was that he was finally here and he was healthy!! On the APGAR test he scored an 8 at one minute and a 9 at 5 minutes. The tech told us that she never gives a 10 so he was as healthy as it gets. God is so good!

IMG_7344copyScott then got to hold Royal for the first time and once again his tears came. I have never been more attracted to my husband as I was in those moments. Seeing your tiny baby placed in the arms of the man you love is about as good as it gets. I can still sit for hours watching Scott interact with our son, it’s just so precious and sweet to me.

IMG_7328copyI finally have my family. It’s been such a long long road to get here but every step was necessary to get right where we are. I am so thankful for a God that made my every wish and dream come true with one tiny little boy’s entrance into the world! He’s my rainbow after the storm and my everything! There is not one thing I wouldn’t do for this little man and I’m absolutely alright with the fact that my world now entirely revolves around him and his care. I am taken with him. Everything about Royal turns me into mush! I can’t get enough of him! When I set him down to do the dishes or something else I immediately miss him. This is a foreign love I’ve never known before but it somehow feels completely natural to me. I.am.in.love.

IMG_7318copyThank you everyone for your continued prayer and support, and please keep it coming as we now raise this sweet boy!

–Name meaning–
Royal: child of the King
Matthew: God’s gift

Welcome Royal Matthew, you are so very loved!

IMG_7370copy“For this child I prayed and the Lord has granted the desires of my heart”
-1 Samuel 1:27

•Photos by Olive Gray Photography•

Twosome.

8 Jul

26web

As impatient as we are for our new little addition to get here we’re trying to remember that our time as a twosome is almost over. I’m going to miss the simple nights of us just sitting on the couch in complete boredom! I’ve been told that you’ll miss being bored when a baby comes so I’m trying to soak it all in! Scott is my very best friend and part of me is sad that we won’t have the alone time that we’ve had over the past 8-9 years, but now we’ll be sharing the time with a little guy who is 50% Scott and 50% me! I couldn’t think of a better person to be stealing time from us.

It will be quite awhile before we will be able to pack up the car for a day at the beach or a night out on the town so we’re trying to squeeze in as many of the activities we love while we still can. It’s crazy to think that we won’t have the same freedoms we have now but it’s so exciting thinking of staying at home as a family and just pouring out our love onto “Smalls.” Even changing diapers together sounds rather romantic to me. (Haha)  Boy, times have changed.

I pray that we will always find the romance in the simple things of our new life and find joy even in the times of frustration. I can only see my love growing deeper for my husband as we now take on the role as parents! It’s incredibly intimidating but there’s no one else I would choose to walk this journey with. I can’t wait for the first moment I see my tiny son placed into Scott’s arms. Just the visual image in my head gives me the most intense butterflies. Scott will be such a natural father and will give this boy the most wonderful childhood!

I’m so lucky to have such an incredible life partner! God truly knew what He was doing when He brought us together at the tender age of 16. I stand in awe sometimes at just how well God thought out my life and how He knew what I needed so much better than I ever did! I am blessed. I could say it over and over and still not come close to expressing how extremely blessed I am! I hope I never forget.

So in these last few weeks (could be days) I will be content to spend every moment I can with the man I said “I do” to 3 years ago and patiently await the biggest gift we’ve ever been given: our son!

20web•Arrow Creek Photography•

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