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PRK.

31 May

Last week we traveled to Biloxi Mississippi for Scott to have PRK (corrective eye surgery.) He chose to have it done at Keesler AFB because it was only 2.5 hours from our home, and they are the best military base that offers the surgery. The drive was easy so we took off early Monday morning so that he could make it to his 9 am appointment. He received his final approval so we checked into the Fisher House, which is a by donation charity that offers a place for military to stay while their family member receives medical treatment. It was such a blessing to stay at such a comfortable place while we were away from home. They had volunteers come in, most nights, and cook meals for us too. I didn’t realize that places like this existed but everyone there was so sweet to us and it made a world of difference with our almost two year old running a muck.

royalwalking

Royal still wasn’t a huge fan of being cooped up all day so we spent the days going to the park, playing at the splash pad on base, and we even took him bowling for his first time. It was hard at nights sharing one room though, and Scott and I had to go to sleep when Royal did otherwise he’d stay up with us. He’s so active and observant that he wants to always be doing what we’re doing, so the one room arrangement was a little more than trying at times.

Scott had the surgery on Wednesday and within 30 minutes he was all done and I was able to pick him up. He built it up much scarier in his head than it actually ended up being. He couldn’t believe how easy it was. Everything went great! He had to have a follow up appointment the next morning but Scott asked, because of the 4 day weekend approaching, if we could travel home as we only lived 2.5 hours away. The doctor said that was absolutely fine as long as his eyes looked like they were progressing well the next morning. Luckily his first follow-up went great!! He was seeing 20/15 which were the best results the doctor had seen all day. Scott was excited about his eyes and Royal and I were excited to be going home!

 

The first few days of recovery were almost pain free for Scott but Saturday and Sunday he woke up in some pretty intense pain and had to turn to his pain meds. The meds easily managed the pain and Scott still continues to rave about how worth it this surgery is to him. We traveled back to Mississippi last night because Scott had his final appointment this morning. His left eye continues to see 20/15 and his right is pretty blurry but should clear up in the next day or so. The doc cleared him to go back to work and, best of all, to drive again. We’re so thankful that the surgery went flawlessly and that Scott was able to mostly recover here at home instead of us staying over a week in a hotel.


Life continues to be so busy but it keeps my mind occupied and my heart looking forward. It seems like I have more good days than bad these days, and that feels like a miracle!

 

 

 

 

 

Sick boy.

28 Apr

Man, I don’t think there is anything more heartbreaking than having a sick baby. Royal has had his fair share of colds in his little lifetime but he’s never had such a bad fever. He woke up Tuesday morning with a 100 degree fever and it has only gone up from there. He hit a high of 103.3 during Tuesday night. Poor fellow. FullSizeRenderMy son is not one to enjoy cuddling but the past three days it’s all he’s wanted. I’ve always wished that he would cuddle me more, but now I’d be more than happy to trade the cuddles for my little boy to be full of energy and wiggles again. We’ve been spending the sick days lounging on the couch watching Winnie the Pooh, and Royal will doze off as he gets tired. He won’t let you out of his sight and he wants to be carried everywhere, so we’re all pretty much prisoners to this sickness. It’s just so sad to see how subdued Royal is in comparison to his usual independent personality.FullSizeRender (1)I wish there was some way to fix him more quickly. I hate not having the ability to take it from him. I know he’ll be better soon but I’m impatient. I can’t wait for this sickness to get the heck out of my Royal so that he can go back to being the force that destroys the house again. I miss my little tornado!

 

March.

31 Mar

Whew!! This month was a busy one!!

We started March out with packing up everything we own and moving it into our new home. I was amazed at how much STUFF we have accumulated in the past 3 years of living here!! Somehow Scott and I were able to get it all into the giant U haul by ourselves in just 4 hours. We then picked up our new keys and two of our buddies helped us unload everything into the garage of the new house. I still can’t believe that in less than 12 hours we were completely moved out!

I have an annoying quirk where I feel the need to immediately finish a task once I start it. I can’t do anything until that project is finished. Somehow I got it in my mind that settling into the house was just one big project. I unpacked the entire house in 2 days and hung the very last picture on the 6th day in our new home. I exhausted myself but I knew I wouldn’t be able to enjoy living here until it was complete. I also knew that my friend, Danielle, would be coming in two weeks so I didn’t want to be worried about a “to-do list” while she was here.

Royal and our doggy love the new yard, even more than I thought they would, and we spend every morning and evening out on our screened-in-porch. I love sitting out there, drinking my morning coffee, while Royal plays. The porch and yard alone made this move completely worth it to me.

After we were all moved in we celebrated our first holiday here! I love Saint Patrick’s Day! It was a hard day for me though, because it was also one of my dad’s favorites. I thought of him as I ate my corned beef and wished, as always, that I could call him up. Each new holiday brings a new difficulty but I know they will be easier next year when the wound doesn’t feel so fresh.

Danielle came to town on the 22nd and we were thrilled to have our first house guest!  I was so excited to have her here. Since my dad died it hasn’t felt like there has been much to look forward to, but just knowing she was coming would lift my spirits instantly. Her wonderful boyfriend, Alex, had surprised her with the plane tickets on Christmas and the timing could not have been more perfect! I smiled the entire way to the airport to pick her up!  Unfortunately, her visit was filled with many many rainy days. I think she maybe got two days without rain, and only one where the sun came out from behind the clouds. We always have a good time together though so we made the most of it!

We spent the week shopping, eating at our favorite restaurants in the area, drinking coffee and wine on the porch, watching movies, chasing around my wild son, coloring eggs, and talking-talking-talking. Easter and the beach day were my ultimate highlights. I loved watching Royal run around the yard, looking for eggs, and then having a day of sunshine was just what we all needed after many days of rain! We maybe soaked in a little too much sunlight because we all limped away with sunburned legs. (Haha)

This past week was just what I needed! After all the chaos, having a little carefree fun was the perfect medicine. I didn’t want to see Danielle go, but I know she’ll be back!

So, there was our March! It was stressful at the start but we were able to reap the benefits, of all our hard work, at the end! Lately my life is just one big roller-coaster, but I’m up for the ride.

xoxo

 

Moving homes.

24 Feb

As if life hasn’t been stressful enough we’ve decided to move houses.

Our lease is up at the end of this next month and we’ve needed a home that better meets our needs. We love our current house but the backyard is literally 3 feet wide on the three sides of the house, and is constantly muddy with all the rain we get here in Florida. Royal is starting to show more interest in being outdoors and there’s absolutely no way that this yard can be played in. The new home we’re moving to has a large backyard, with a swing set and slide, and a nice screened in porch which will better suit our needs. The house size is comparable to what we now have but also has a two car garage, verses the one car garage we have now. The neighborhood is a step up as well and is much more quiet than our current one. We’ll also be closer to the beach which we love!! The only big down side is that I’m now much farther from a Starbucks! Wahh!! ;)

It’s hard leaving this home knowing the memories we have here. This was our first Florida home and the place we brought Royal home from the hospital to. We have had such good times here with friends and family, so it’s difficult leaving a place that has been so comforting to us. We know that the new house will hold a whole new set of memories and good times and we look forward to that, but it’s still bittersweet.

I have to say that I was really looking forward to having some normal and boring for a bit, but that’s not how life has been lately so I have to embrace the chaos and realize that calmer times are up ahead. Maybe the project of moving and settling back in will become a welcomed distraction.

I have had a hard time, the past few weeks, realizing that my dad’s death is an absolute reality. I so badly want to speak to him about what funny things Royal has been doing or to call and tell him about the new house. It hurts to not hear his voice and know that I won’t again. I still wake up every morning thinking it was a bad dream and every morning I’m slapped with the cold reality that it’s not. I just want him back.

We have two weeks before our move so I’m trying to rest and soak in the calm before my life is once again upturned for yet another change. I can’t wait to be settled into our new place and for Royal to play in his new backyard.

God is always working good into our lives even when it all feels completely crazy! I thank God for the homes He’s always provided for us and for the way He’s comforting my broken heart.

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Gone.

25 Jan

The last month I’ve stared off into space more than I ever have in my entire life. I can’t seem to process the fact that my dad is truly gone. How do you accept something that still feels so wrong and impossible?

I have spent the whole month trying to explain it to myself and I still feel just as confused as the moment my mom called me on the phone and told me he had passed away.

A man who has always been such a comfort to me and my very stability growing up is gone and I don’t know how to move on from this point. I’m broken without him.

My dad got me. Not many people truly get or understand me. I hate that I will never be able to look across a table at him and have him be able to read my exact thoughts. I’ll miss our quiet jokes that only he and I could pick up on. I hate that I’ll never hear him call me “Issa Moany” again. I hate that my son will never know the love he had for him. The fact that I will never see him smile that big welcoming grin, whenever I saw him, breaks my heart in two. He’ll never dance his carefree dance and I’ll never hear him jamming to his music as he makes his lunch again. I hate that I’ll never have another cup of coffee with him at the Ranch or play another game of mexican train. I can’t ever imitate his silly gestures or mannerisms again. I’ll never see him gloat when he placed the last puzzle piece in a puzzle again. He’ll never clean his fish tank again or play his video games with my brother. He’ll never take me target practicing again. He’ll never pray for me again. We’ll never have another father/daughter date to dinner and a movie.  I’ll never see him tear up when he says goodbye to me again. It’s EVERYTHING that I’m going to miss!

I hate it.

I just want my dad back.

I pray a day comes when it doesn’t hurt as badly as it does now, and I know that day will come, but I also know that my life will never feel complete again.

My dad loved my family more than anything in the world! He saw us as his biggest blessing and he knew that only God could receive the glory for it. He always put us first and our needs never went unmet. He worked so hard to give us the upbringing we had and he always kept God in the center of everything he did. His love for Jesus shone out of him in every big and small task he completed. If there was ever a person that lived as a christian should it was him. He loved and those are the biggest commandments.

“And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment.  And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”
(Mark 12:30-31)

One of the things I regret most is waiting to soak in all his knowledge. I always thought I’d have so many years to learn from him and I feel completely robbed of time. He knew so much about EVERYTHING. He was handy with his hands, he knew so much about the Ranch in Wyoming, and most importantly he was who I went to whenever I had a question about my faith. I’ll never be able to call him to ask a quick question again. Still doesn’t seem possible. He was always just a phone call away. He always called me on his parts runs at work and those 10 minute conversations made my whole day. I’m so thankful that I saved the voice-mails he left me because the sound of his voice is now the only thing I have left of him. I have listened to them over and over and they never fail to turn me into a bawling puddle on the floor. I miss him terribly.

My mom gifted his Bible to me. His Bible was his prized possession. It’s filled with notes and highlights showing what stood out to him. I love having it. I feel so close to him as I read from it’s pages. I can just picture him studying it for hours and falling further and further in love with our Lord. I cried when she gave it to me because I knew how very important it was to him, because God made him into the man he was through reading it. It would bless him to know how much I treasure it.

I don’t think you ever feel ready to say goodbye but this goodbye just seems far too early. I keep going back to the fact that I had talked to him an hour before he died and he sounded just like himself, perfectly healthy and happy. My brain can’t wrap itself around it.

One of the last things he said to me was, “I like to pretend that I’ll see you guys soon, it helps me feel less sad.” Now I have to pretend that very same thing about him.

I’ll see you soon Daddy, but it won’t seem soon enough.

dad

 

 

 

2015.

31 Dec

2015, you did a lot of messed up things this year, but the worst thing you did was take my dad away from me.

I hate you.

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•Image by Cat Mayer Studio•

Care packages.

23 Nov

Deployments suck but the one enjoyable thing is putting together care packages to send to Scott while he’s away. I love filling them with all of his favorite snacks and decorating it in a fun way so he’s always surprised by what he’s opening up. I also try to find a book series he’ll enjoy reading and send a book in each box. Here are the care packages I made during this deployment.:

[[Birthday Box]]119120[[Halloween Box]] FullSizeRender (3)FullSizeRender (4)FullSizeRender (5)FullSizeRender (6)FullSizeRender (7)[[Almost Done Box]]IMG_6980FullSizeRender (10)FullSizeRender (9)FullSizeRender (11)FullSizeRender (8)IMG_6983IMG_6984IMG_6985

My Calendar Boys.

9 Oct

It’s International Babywearing week so I decided it was a fun week to share this story with you all. xoxo

In July I entered a picture of Scott and Royal into “The Studs of Abby’s Lane” calendar contest. Abby’s Lane is putting together a calendar of men babywearing their littles, with the procedes going to charity. I didn’t think much of it at the time, I just knew I loved the picture of my guys together and wanted to share it on the page. I didn’t expect it to make it into any of the voting rounds but still wanted to participate in the fun.

A few months later and over 800 entries later the page announced the top 40. I was shocked to see our picture among the others!! When Scott called that day, from Afghanistan, I told him all about entering him and that he had been chosen as one of the top 40. I was expecting “Babe…why did you enter me in that?!” instead I got “WHAT?!?! That’s awesome! Really? They chose me?!” I loved how excited he was! He then wanted to know all the details. I told him that the voting to get the top 24 would go for a week and at the end of that week the final round of voting would take place which would  determine the 12 final winners that would be in the calendar and win a free baby carrier. He was stoked!! (He’s so cute.)FullSizeRender (2)The first voting week went by and towards the end I knew that he would stay within the top 24 as he never moved below the 11th position in the contest. I was still amazed that others found this picture as adorable as I do seeing I know I’m a little biased. (Haha.)

Scott then moved into the final voting round and this is where the nail biting ensued!! We were so close and I knew how much it would mean to Scott so I really REALLY wanted this win for him. It was such a close competition and in the end Scott would make it with a lot of votes to spare!

WOOHOO!!! Calendar here we come!

114 I’m so excited and proud!!! I love this picture of my man proudly standing in his Air Force uniform and my little man supporting his daddy in a matching flight suit and aviator hat! Scott is also wearing our “First Flight” Tula, which means so much to us to have won the right to buy it from this very same shop! It was a hard one to acquire so I’m thrilled to own it and also to now have it be a part of winning this fun contest! Everything about this picture is perfection to me! Makes me smile everytime I see it! It’s been the background of my phone since I took this picture and after this contest has even more meaning to me.

What a fun experience! I can’t wait to purchase our calendar and to display it in our home! I’m most excited to find out what month Scott will be so I can call him “Mr. ______” for the rest of eternity! He’s gonna hate it!!! (Mwahaha!)

I’ll be sure to pass on the purchasing information once it becomes available in case any of you would also like to have Scott hanging on your wall! ;)

xoxo119

 

Chicago.

29 Sep

If these deployments have taught me one thing it’s that busy is your very best friend!

I’ve had one big thing to look forward to every month, and that works as my light at the end of the tunnel. As long as I have something to work towards then it breaks up the full length of the deployment. If you’re only focusing on the end then it seems impossible and you easily get discouraged and depressed. When there is something each month then you’re only allowed to get sad for a little while because you know something fun is right around the corner.

This month’s fun activity was a trip to Chicago to see my brother and his wife. Our buddy River was making a trip to that area to see his family so I asked if I could tag along. He was happy to have company during the drive so he said yes! Our friends Tonni and Michael volunteered to watch Clover (our dog) while we were gone, so with that final detail figured out we were able to go. I’m so thankful for our wonderful friends here in Florida. We have such a close community that has helped us through this deployment.211209I was really excited for this trip because I had thought that we wouldn’t see David and Rachel this year, because we’re not going home for the holidays. Although it was a long 15 hour drive, and we pulled an all nighter so that Royal could sleep the whole way, it was completely worth it. We did some site seeing but the only two things I really had on my list of MUSTS was that I wanted to try Chicago style pizza and a Chicago Dog. (Of course my priorities involved food. I.love.food.)192189197204205217218I enjoyed the pizza but it isn’t my favorite style. I have completely converted to the Chicago dog club though! I have never tasted such a delicious hot dog in my life! I now have some intense cravings going on for these things. Royal enjoyed the food as well! He had his first taste of pizza and ate an entire hot dog! I can’t believe he’s able to eat these things much less have the appetite to demolish them.269272314316315The best part of the trip was definitely when Royal started walking! He had been taking 3 steps in a row for a couple months now but never anything more. On the 16th something clicked though and he took off! I was cheering like the biggest dork, because I was so excited, and Royal had the most proud look on his face. I love these milestones but they remind me that my baby is escaping me. He did this after eating a chocolate bar he found on the couch! (haha.)

260We also had the pleasure of celebrating David’s 25th birthday with him. That was the night we went out for Chicago style pizza. I hate always missing each other’s birthdays so it was nice to finally be there for one with him.274I was so thankful to have the adult company of David and Rachel as I’m now used to being home in an empty house with just Royal and Clover since Scott deployed. You miss the simple things of having a meal together, going to the park, and watching Netflix with someone else. I most enjoyed these lazy moments during the trip. I love these two and was dreading the time ending.243225304311The visit somehow flew by and River was there picking us up from my brother’s apartment. We then spent the night with River’s family, 4 hours away, to break up the length of the trip and had an amazing visit with them. It was the perfect end cap to our trip. I love families that take you in and treat you like you belong right off the bat. River’s family is just like that. I so appreciated them opening their home to us and loving on my little fellow.181Then came the 12 hour all nighter back home!! BLEH!!!!! I’ll be happy if I never have to road trip again in my life. I’m completely kidding but I’m thankful for a break. Now I’m nursing a cold and we’re trying to settle back into our daily routine here in Florida. Royal is happy to be home and enjoys practicing his new walking skills around the house.

I just need to find the next big thing to focus on for next month!

The love and prayers mean so much to us during these deployments, so thank you all for them! xoxo203

First Birthday.

12 Aug

I first of all can’t even deal with the fact that I now have a one year old!! What a year! It’s been wonderful but such a blur!! I’m really at a loss for words and the emotional aspect chokes me up so I’m just going to write about his wonderful birthday experiences instead of blubbering on about how my baby is no longer a baby! (Haha.)055We found out a few months ago that Scott would be deploying right before Royal’s first birthday, so we decided to fly home to Colorado for a big party with all the grandparents, friends, and family who live there. It was our way of making up for the fact that Scott would be missing the end cap of Royal’s first year.113I’ve always loved the “Hungry Caterpillar” and have read the book to Royal on numerous occasions, so I set that as the theme of his party. I had a blast finding cute things on Etsy and crafting the rest myself. My friend Danielle was such a help with decorating as well, and did a wonderful “First Birthday Board” for me. I had so much help with this party that I felt overwhelmed by all the love!!090It was raining on the day of the party but thankfully the rain passed just in time! Sadly, in place of the rain came such strong wind! We never have days like that but of course it had to be windy!! I’m not going to lie to you and say that I stayed calm and collected when the wind started foiling literally every plan I had for decorating. I was getting more and more frustrated as each thing I placed went flying across the park! I was barely holding it together when suddenly all the plates went soaring!! I lost it…I sat down on the bench near me and cried. I had such vision for this party and I wanted it to be perfect for my boy. After a good pep talk and a good hug from Danielle I was ready to take on this party again. I reminded myself that it wasn’t about the decorations, Royal wouldn’t even notice them or remember them! It was about the cake smashing and everyone celebrating his first year!080099095Finally everything got put together!! (In other words we taped everything down so it couldn’t move!!) Just as the last details were being finished people started showing up! It was so great to see everyone! We feel so very blessed to have all the friends that we do! It made me realize just how much I miss our little Junction community. Hopefully someday it will be home to us again.109104115My dad said a sweet prayer over Royal and then everyone started eating and visiting. Royal was happy to sit near whoever would feed him watermelon or goldfish. He was in such a “mommy phase” at the point of the party that I was truly worried that he wouldn’t let me put him down the whole time, but as long as he stayed distracted he was a social butterfly!094098097096092073Then came time for the cake!! He wasn’t so sure about it at first but once he got a taste of that icing he was hooked!! He was so gentle as he ate the cake. I expected him to rip right through it but as always…he surprised me. I finally had to smash his hand through the center just so he could get the full experience. He wasn’t a fan of the cake but the icing kept him eating! It was such a sweet moment for us as a family watching our guy eat his cake and listening to our close friends sing him Happy Birthday! I will always hold that memory close to my heart.119 124 149 royal bday 004

He loved opening his presents too! At one point I took a pause in helping him open them and he started signing “more”! He cracks me up. He quite enjoyed the whole experience of birthdays!130 136A few days before his actual birthday we went to have his cake-smash shoot! I’ve been looking forward to this shoot since his newborn pictures! It just looked like such a blast and the pictures are always so fun!! Tiffany has been taking Royal’s pictures since he was 2 weeks old so we were very excited for her to take these milestone photos for him! She’s so wonderful with Royal and I love visiting with her! Royal made us WORK for those shots though! He was more enjoying to explore the studio than to eat cake, but we just kept putting him back and finally he took a taste of that icing and he was all about it! Again, I had to smash his hand through it because he was being so gentle. He’s so funny. As always the pictures turned out spectacular!!00710431517_846714245425175_8593692023883860364_n 11703197_846716722091594_6103647146563320174_nOn Royal’s real day of birth, July 31st, I woke him up singing “Happy Birthday” and we immediately opened a few of his presents and played with them until nap-time. When he got up from his nap we watched “The Jungle Book” (his first Disney movie experience) and opened the next round of presents and played with them until we left the house to meet up with friends for frozen yogurt. Royal loves ice cream and frozen yogurt was an immediate love! I couldn’t spoon it in fast enough! He was spoiled by lots of love from our lovely friends and even got a few more presents! After yogurt I got Jimmy John’s for dinner (out of remembrance for the first meal I ate after labor) then we spent a quiet evening at home enjoying all of his new toys and I flipped through the pictures I’d taken over the last year. It was a sweet day made even sweeter by a Skype date with Scott.042 (2) 044 050 053 063 066 067059So there you have it! Royal’s birthday that kept on giving!

Thank you to everyone who helped us celebrate!!

We love you all!