I am beyond the point of exhaustion. I’m so fully overwhelmed that my soul feels worn out. Every time Scott leaves there’s a long list of things that happen that I have to deal with on my own. But this time…oh gosh…you would laugh at the length of the list! The absurd things that make up this list will someday make me laugh, when I look back on them, but for now they just make me want to cry. Not all of the things have been bad because some were overwhelming in a good way…but even good things wear on you when you already feel worn down.
I know I just need to put it in God’s hands and let it go! I have always struggled with that as I’m a bit of a type A control freak and I’m sure that if I just work hard enough I can fix it all. You would think that in 6 years of living this lifestyle I would have learned that it’s impossible to be completely in control, and that not everything can or should even be fixed. But, here I am…still crumbling under the pressures I put myself under. No one else expects perfection from me…but I demand that of myself. That’s not even fair. I need to learn to be more kind to myself. I can’t be everything all the time. It’s an impossible expectation to put on anyone, but yet I do it to myself daily. Why??
The only person who can be everything all the time for everyone is God and that’s where I need to find my peace, rest, worth, and also my strength! The very second I give it to Jesus I feel instant relief! How silly that it’s not always our first response! I want to be better at letting Him be the captain of this ship, even when that ship feels as though it’s sinking. God will never let us go under, but sometimes the waters do get rocky and that’s alright! He is able to hold all of my present and future in His hands, and there’s no one more capable of handling my problems. All I need to do is trust!
So, I’m breathing deeply today and praying for God’s peace! It’s all I need. Jesus is all I need.
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” -1 Peter 5:7
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 4:6-7
The Dear Adventure 